


Hang the DJ

by mcmachine



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Episode: s04e04 Hang the DJ, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-03-24 12:12:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13810953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcmachine/pseuds/mcmachine
Summary: Japril AU, based on 4x04 of Black Mirror, "Hang the DJ." Paired up by a dating program that puts an end date on relationships, Jackson and April begin to question the system's logic.





	1. Chapter 1

** _APRIL._ **

I’m not a fan of the system.

My sisters all make fun of me for it, saying that it should be my favorite thing in the world given that it’s based on algorithms and statistics. Something didn’t sit right with me about the data collection, but I knew that I had to go through with it eventually. The supposed 99.8% success rate had worked out perfectly for all three of my sisters, and quickly, too. Their relationships had all worked out, and they all seemed happy. As far as I can remember, at least. In hindsight, it all seemed blurry.

Sitting in the restaurant with my Coach on my lap, the point of my heel clicked against the floor beneath me as my leg jittered. Only so much could be done to mute the noise, it was a habit that I’d always fought while nervous. This was my first time going through with it, so I had all the reason in the world to be. It probably wasn’t going to work out. What were the odds? A system like this had to be based on trial and error, breakups just as much as successes. Anything else would have been unexplainable, or a freak miracle. But the latter didn’t work out when it came to statistics. I knew that much.

“Coach?”

“Yes, April?” The robotic voice from the flat, circular device answered.

“Am I in the right place?”

“Yes, April.”

The reassurance doesn’t make me feel much better, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. I put it in my purse and given a slight look around, straightening out the tablecloth in front of where I’m sat, adjusting my watch on my wrist for a moment before fidgeting with the cutlery. A careless motion sends the fork flying off of the table, metal clattering against the floor of the restaurant.

Quickly moving to pick it up off of the floor, I nearly headbutt myself into a pair of walking legs. “Sorry– fork!” I squeaked out the apology, straightening up too quickly and smoothing out the material of my dress with my free hand.

“Jackson.” The stranger introducing himself to me was incredibly handsome, the kind of handsome that would have made anyone attracted to men stop and do a double take. Clear crystal green eyes, nearly as if he was capable of seeing every facet of my soul. The kind of eyes that people wrote and dramatized in books, romance novels, the worst kind of anti-feminist propaganda that drove bored housewives crazy with fantasies. He’s over half a foot taller than me, at least, dressed wells. The slight fixation on his eyes cues me into the little freckles sprinkled delicately across his skin, and it takes a few more moments for me to realize that I’m staring at him like a dumbstruck fool. Dang it.

“Oh, uh, no, my name’s not fork. It’s April.” I mumbled out quickly.

“I guessed.” He brushed off easily, sending a dazzling smile my way.

“Do you want to sit?” I ask a little too quickly in an attempt to recover from my foolishness, returning the smile.

“I think it’s that or stand.” There’s a little bit of awkward laughter passed between us, sitting back down in the half-circle booth first before he does the same. I give a restless adjustment and place the fork back on the table so that my hands are empty, pressing them against the tops of my thighs to try and keep them still. I talk with my hands whenever I’m nervous or excited, and tonight, it was a mix of both. Even if this probably wasn’t going to work out, I didn’t want him, or the Coach, to think that I was some kind of a neurotic mess.

“Sorry, I’m– I’m not usually like this,” I began to apologize again. “It’s my first time, you know, on the system.” I don’t know how that’s going to make me sound to him, if he’ll brush it off right away as another failure or if he’ll be kind about it, but I felt like it was something that had to go out in the open. Knowing myself, I’d end up making it obvious one way or another.

“Me too.” His answer is just quick enough that for a moment I have to pause and wonder if he’s being honest, or just lying to try and make me feel better about my virgin status in the game. Hopefully it wasn’t the latter. Lying for the sake of being nice just felt too contrived.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I’m winging it. To be completely honest, I was a bit nervous showing up,” Jackson said with a chuckle, leaning back in the booth more comfortably. At least now it wasn’t quite as creepy to examine him, seated together on a date. He’s sharp looking, hair shaved short and allowing for the full attention to be on the features of his face. It worked well for him, really. I probably couldn’t find a flaw on that face if I tried to, but there’s something a little magical about sitting across from a man who looked like he could be some kind of supermodel. Especially since he seemed friendly enough, from the first round of things.

A small pause is taken between the two of them and I could only hope that the smile that I was offering him didn’t look as awkward as I felt in the moment. He looked genuinely content in the moment, so he was either much less nervous than what he said or much better at hiding it than I was.

“Should we order food?” I suggested with a hopeful raise of my eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” he agreed, fetching his coach out of his pocket. “Do you uh, know how to order on these things, or–?” 

Before either of us could get out a possible answer to the question, the device had already spoken up. “Menu choice already established.” There’s not much time to react to the information before a waiter was swinging by the table with two plates of food, setting them down in front of each of us. Our eyes meet for a moment and I can catch a glimpse of amusement twinkling inside of his gaze, clear as day that he thought this was as weird as I did. At least I wasn’t completely alone with that.

My gaze dropped down to the bowl of ravioli set down in front of me. “I guess that I’m a pasta girl,” I remarked with a small huff of laughter falling from my lips, glancing back up quickly to see what he had.

“And… I’m a fishcake.” There was the amusement again, clear as day on his features. We both dig into to take the first bite of food, making noises of approval (or at least, I did) at the choices that had been selected for us. It’s a little weird that everything is laid out so plainly, and I can’t imagine why not having the choice of a menu of food isn’t on the table. But that was a question for another time, I suppose. I didn’t want to get too caught up with all of my inquiries of the system, even if with someone new. Mostly, I didn’t want to scare him off quite so easily. Even if that wasn’t entirely my choice.

“Can I try some?” Jackson asked, resulting in me looking up and around. There were armed guards watching, something that I didn’t understand. Another thing that somehow felt wrong to question, even if I couldn’t quite put my finger down on it.

“Are we allowed?” This time we both look around, examining some of the other pairs of dates to see what they were doing. “You know what? Doesn’t matter. Here.” I stab my fork through a piece of ravioli and lift it up for him, watching as he leaned forward and took the bite off of my fork directly. I can’t help but give him a goofy little smile, already feeling my heart swell and finding him adorable, listening to the agreement that he offered up about my dish.

Swallowing my current mouthful of ravioli, a non-Duchenne smile is offered him for a brief moment. “Should we check our expiry date?” The question is an innocent one, and I can’t help that it’d be something longterm. He seemed like a nice guy, or maybe I was just being blinded by the fact that this was my first match. But at least I could tell that he found some of the same things about what we were doing just a little bit ridiculous, even if we had both found ourselves in the same system.

“Yeah, sure,” he agreed and nodded his head. “It’s on this thing, right?” He asked as we both reached for our individual coaches.

“Mmhm. It’s under info, I’m pretty sure.”

Synchronized swiping occurred until we both found the page that we were looking for, and I took a deep breath, preparing myself for it. “We have to tap at the same time,” I said with my finger hovering over the button, looking up at Jackson to see if he was ready. “So… three, two, one, go.” The countdown is a little quick as we both hit the button, watching the screens in front our eyes change.

_Twelve hours._

“Twelve hours?” I questioned, already feeling my heart sink into my stomach. It was stupid to feel this way and I knew it, this type of thing was bound to happen all the time, yet I can’t help the disappointment curling there. It should have been the first big indicator to not bother getting attached to him, but it only made me wonder more about him. What was so different about the two of us that we were that incompatible? Was it just a time bomb waiting to explode between the two of us? It seemed illogical that any system would already be able to figure it out, and deduce such a short time together.

“Yeah, twelve hours,” he confirmed with a bit of a sigh. At least it wasn’t just me.

“That seems a bit short, doesn’t it?” I questioned with a slight frown, lips pressing together in a thin line as I looked up at him. My gaze flickered between him and the device for a moment, realizing that a countdown had started. Oh. “Wow, that’s… I didn’t know that it would count down like that. That’s kind of sad, isn’t it? Just… doing that.” My words trail off just a bit despite me trying not to sound like such a downer. I didn’t want to ruin whatever time we had left by obsessing over a number.

“Maybe we should eat quickly?” He suggested with a raise of his eyebrows.

“Yeah, yeah, we should. Totally.” I agreed with a quick nod of my head as I set down the device to pick back up the cutlery from my plate.

“The race is on,” he teased me before shoving a bite of fishcake into his mouth that was far too big, and I couldn’t help but snort with laughter despite the food already placed in my own mouth, hand coming up to cover my face so I don’t do anything drastically embarrassing. It flowed like that between us for a little while, scarfing down the remainder of our food to try and make the best of the little time that we had together. He had a good attitude, even with the tiny countdown that was placed on between the two of us. That was certainly something to be appreciated.

By the time that we finished our meals and exited the restaurant, there was a stream of little cart-like cars coming and going without a driver, electronically programmed for who they were picking up and where they were to be taken. I have to walk quickly to be able to keep up with him and his long legs, but it doesn’t take long for one of the carts to stop in front of us.

“I guess this is for us?”

“Yeah, after you.”

We both climb into the vehicle and settle down next to each other as it began to drive off at a reasonable speed. I’m not sure what to say to him, what the expectations are for a night like this. But after a few minutes in the vehicle, his hand had made its way to mine. I glance down at the contact to make sure that it’s not accidental, before looking up at him with a sweet smile pulling across my features. Maybe it was just a short time together, but I supposed that didn’t mean that the two of us couldn’t go ahead and try to enjoy it while it lasted.

It’s not terribly long of a drive before the vehicle, passing by part of an encircling walk, but eventually, it came to a stop in front of a tiny and well-lit house, the label 473 stuck onto the front of it. Having a place to ourselves for the night seemed… presumptuous, but I didn’t want to comment on that, unsure how he might have felt about the matter. At least knowing that he was just as new to all of this as I was, I knew that he couldn’t have any solidified expectations about whatever was to come once we got inside. A small upside to the both of us being newbies.

“So this is us,” he commented as we both got out, taking my hand and walking up to the doorstep. I listened to the sound of the vehicle driving away, pausing for a moment to just look at it.

“Yeah,” I agreed softly and stepped up with him. By the door, there was a hand scanner. No keys or mechanical locks were used for something like this, instead, the print scanner ensuring that only whoever was meant to occupy the house for the evening was capable of getting in. Smart, really, making sure that the system worked. But still the slightest bit creepy. “Do you want to, or should I?”

“It’s all yours,” he offered up.

I placed my hand on the scanner, and there’s a soft beep and the sound of something unlocking. Jackson put his hand on the door and pushed it open slowly, peeking his head in the door to get a better look at it. My eyebrows raised up expectantly at him, unable to see inside of the house from the small opening and where I was standing perpendicular to the door.

“Oh, god… it’s a shithole,” he said.

“What? You’re kidding!” I exclaimed, beginning to step toward him.

“Yeah, I am,” he grinned at me before opening up the door entirely and stepping out of the way so that I could see for myself. I smile at him for a moment before giving him a playful shove of the chest and beginning to step inside of the house.

It was fully furnished and well lit despite the time of night, a fire flickering in what looked like an electric fireplace. The coloring of the living room was a little questionable but at least worked well all together, refined taste. It probably would have been a bit minimalistic if it weren’t for all of the colors that were in the room. I step in a little further, doing a small twirl with my frame to get a look at the entire room, taking all of it in. It was only for a night, so none of it would absolutely drive me crazy. Probably for the best. “It’s nice,” I remarked, not wanting to be too critical of it in case he liked it. “I uh, like the lamp?” I offered up, a small chuckle slipping through my lips, distaste coming through much clearer than what I had tried.

“Oh yeah, really nice lamp,” he teased my particular observation without missing a beat, a real smile broad on his features as he followed me further into the house. He was playful, certainly, in the kind of way that didn’t make me feel bad about what I’d said. That was certainly a nice change of pace.

“Oh, shut up! You don’t know me well enough to make fun of me yet,” I retorted, unable to help my smile.

“Uh huh? So what’s that, hour eight or nine?” Jackson replied back just as quickly, more than capable of keeping up with whatever quick wit I had to offer. It normally wasn’t my specialty, but at least tonight, it seemed like I was doing a good enough job with it.

My eyes roll at his expensive but I leave the comment be for a moment, wandering further into the house and past the living room. Immediately behind it in the bedroom, a king-sized bed taking up a good portion of the room and covered with light satin blue sheets, ugly yellow throw pillows across the pillow of the bed. I pause for a moment and hear his footsteps coming up behind me, already unable to come up with some little one-liner to throw in his direction. I’d been trying not to act nervous for most of the night, but this was one thing that absolutely made me nervous, no matter how I tried to fake it.

“So… the bedroom.” He commented bluntly, not offering up much more. I wasn’t sure if he was waiting for me to initiate some kind of conversation about sex, or boundaries, but instead, I can’t bring myself to say a word for it. I should, and I know that I should, but actually enacting on that particular subject was a tough one for me. Wetting my lips nervously, I take a few more steps over toward the next door, peeking my head into the bathroom.

“Yeah. Nice bathroom. Shower and bath,” I comment off-handedly, desperately needing the distractor. He makes some noise to indicate that he’s heard me, but I don’t give him much of a chance to say more on the matter. “I’m uh, going to use the bathroom. Give me just a minute.” I request before disappearing behind the door.

Despite my embarrassment, I do use the bathroom. But it wasn’t the only thing that I intended to do in there with a moment alone, pausing after flushing and washing my hands, hoping that he wasn’t standing outside of the door or capable of hearing me from the other room. This just seemed more like a question for Coach than him, particularly if he didn’t know. Pulling the tiny device back out of my purse, the question is quick.

“What are we supposed to do?”

“Question too broad. Please, narrow query.” The monotone device responded.

I sigh, giving a little restless wiggle of my frame. “Are we supposed to just… go at it, then?” I try, not wanting to be terribly blunt about them after even if, for a few seconds, sex is the only thing that I’m capable of thinking about.

“Define go at it.”

Damn it!”

“Are we supposed to have sex?”

“Participants are not required to take any specific action.” I toss my head back in frustration at the lack of clarification that it offers. All I wanted to know was if it was an expectation for such a short amount of time, unsure of what else to do. Staying up till late hours of the night and baring souls to one each other seemed like a silly idea when we weren’t going to know each other for very long. Sex was… well, not entirely unreasonable, even if I’m not sure that I wanted to go through with something like that. Especially not on my first date. I wasn’t sure if I was capable of being that girl.

But I knew that I couldn’t hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the night, even if it didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world. Heading back out of the bathroom, I dropped my purse down on one of the chairs and put my coat down with it, not wanting to seem too uptight, and certainly not wanting to deal with the device for at least the next ten or so hours. The countdown was something that could be worried about in the morning.

Re-entering the living room, Jackson was already sat across one of the ugly yellow couches, his arm spans broad and draped across the back of it. It’s easy from this angle to notice just how large he is, in every sense of the world, really. His muscles are somewhat well-defined beneath the shirt that he’s wearing, and I wonder how absolutely tiny I must look from someone of his height. I know I’m not that much shorter than the average female, but he was definitely taller than the average male.

“You know, I could just sleep right here. It’s plenty comfortable,” he remarked, offering up a simple.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous. You’d be all scrunched up in a ball.” I immediately refused with a shake of my head, giving a slight wave of my hand. “You’re like, ten feet tall,” I added on with a weak attempt to tease him, manage to muster up something resembling an authentic smile.

As if to try and disprove what I said, I watched as Jackson turned to lay on his side and pulled his knees up to his chest, the top of his head pressed right up against the arm of my sofa. The smile on my lips turns pitiful after only a moment and I shake my head once more to buttress my refuting standpoint once again, hand coming up to tuck an auburn wave of hair back behind my ear with the slightest huff of laughter coming out. 

“It’s not that bad,” he attempted to tell.

“You’re ridiculous. You know, the bed is plenty big. I’m sure that we can both fit in it.” I stood firm. There was nothing wrong with sharing a bed – we were both adults, we could handle it. And he seemed more than eager to give that a go as he jumped back off the couch, making his way back to the bedroom and leaving me to trail behind him.

It’s a little awkward as we both go throughout nighttime routine of getting ready for bed, and I’m not quite sure how to go about it. I try not to take too much time in the bathroom even as I wash my face and comb out my hair, slipping my bra out from underneath my dress to be more comfortable for the sake of sleep. When I come out of the bathroom, he’s in his boxers and the same shirt from before. I stare for only a brief moment before he turns around and sees that I’m done, heading to the bathroom himself.

Settling down onto one side of the bed, I squirm around to try and get comfortable, finding some stillness laying on my back. Eventually, Jackson turns off the light and comes to join me. There’s a distance between us in the middle of the bed, neither one of us sure whether or not it was appropriate to do something about it. And for a while, we just lay there in silence. I have to wonder if he finds it comfortable or awkward, if he was likely to fall asleep without having to say another word. My mind was reeling with thoughts, and the more rumination that occurred, the louder the silence around me became.

“It must have been crazy, before the system,” I finally blurted out, needing something to fill it.

“What do you mean?” I hear the slight rustle of him turning his head toward me as he spoke.

“I mean, doing the whole thing yourself, figuring out who you want to be with…” I trail off uneasily, not wanting to dig too far deep into it in case he disagreed. Even if this wasn’t going to be a long relationship, I didn’t want him to walk away thinking poorly of me, and I didn’t want to spend the last few hours of it under painful or awkward circumstances.

“Option paralysis, huh? Too many options, not knowing which to choose. Yeah, I get that.” He offered kindly.

I wet my lips before continuing. “Yeah. And when things are bad? You have to figure out for yourself whether or not you want to break up with him, or if you should try and power through it.” I added on, turning my head so I could look at him myself.

“Yeah, and breaking up with someone. That’s gotta suck.”

“Terrible,” I agreed, a hint of a smile beginning to appear on my face despite the circumstances of the conversation. “Must be so much simpler, having it all mapped out like this. Not nearly as much confusion, or heartbreak.”

“This is weird, though,” Jackson countered, one eyebrow raising upward into his forehead. I laugh, nodding my head in agreement. Yeah, it was hard to argue with that. Meeting up with strangers, knowing exactly how long you were going to spend in each other’s lives, pouring yourself into a relationship that wasn’t going to be permanent? It was weird. And even if it was exactly what I was doing right now, I could recognize that for myself.

We both smile at each other for a few moments longer before our heads return to looking back up at the ceiling, the silence between us suddenly much more comfortable than what it had been before. A few seconds pass before my hand crawls over to take one of his much larger ones, fingers intertwining with his. Only so much quiet could be tolerated before the both of us drift off to sleep on our own schedules, quiet breathing soon being the only sound to fill the room.

When I wake up in the morning, his breathing is much closer than it had been before, and I realized that we’d ended up curled up against each other somewhere in the middle of the night. A sleepy smile filled my lips and I paused to enjoy it for a few seconds before the reality of the time ticking down hits me. I don’t know what happened if you ignored it, but it seemed like it was something not to do.

I slipped out of bed, not wanting to make a big deal about it despite the warmth that flooded my mouth. Going to the bathroom to get fully dressed again, by the time I come back out, he was already up and sliding into his pants again. When I pull my Coach out of my purse again, the countdown shows that there are only a few minutes left of our time together. Made sense, given the short start that we’d had, and yet it’s disappointing to look at once again.

Holding back a sigh, I pull on a coat and make sure that I have everything. Once he's done the same, the two of us head toward the front door of the house a bit slowly, neither one of us really wanting to give up on the time that we had together. There felt like no logical reason for us to be splitting up so soon other than being told to. Questions ran through my mind about the hows and whys that would put something like that together, how it could possibly determine before we even really got to know each other. Maybe that was just what it was like for everyone's first date.

"Well, uh.." I start awkwardly once we're out of the house, turning on my heel to face him. Without thinking, I reach out and fix the collar of his shirt. "Thanks for being my first." I offered up, unsure what else to say. As my hand falls back down, he takes me within one of his.

"Yeah, yeah," he agreed. "It was great, you know. You were nice."

"So were you." I echoed quickly.

Before there's a chance for much more to be said between us, each of our devices is beeping as a reminder that the few minutes that we initially had left had now become seconds. I give a glance down at the circular object in my free hand, less than twenty seconds left flashing on the screen.

"Thanks..." We each take a step back, our hands lifting up to compensate for the distance between us. 

A long look is shared before the beeping resumes once again, and the system forced us to separate to our own vehicles. Maybe next time.


	2. Chapter 2

_** JACKSON ** _

I can’t keep April off my mind much the next day. Even if nothing major had really happened between us, it still felt like there was something there, some kind of natural connection that I couldn’t explain. Maybe that was just what it was like with the first time. Putting it behind me seemed like the most logical thing to do given how short our time together had been in the first place, yet something about it just stuck with me. 

My morning jog is a weak attempt to try and take my head off of her, feet pounding against the pavement. There’s not much else to do until another match was selected for me, and this was an easy way to try and kill some of the time between now and then. But getting my mind off of her was easier said than done – it’s too easy to think about those auburn waves of hair, the soft smell of shampoo that I’d only been able to pick up on when the two of us had been in bed together. Her smile, however, is the one thing that was obvious and still impossible to shake. That was the kind of grin that could take man to his knees. Like it’d done to me.

So much for keeping my mind off of her. I slow my pace a bit as I head up one of the hills in the park, pulling my coach device out of my pocket. There’s the slightest pause to catch my breath before I can get my question out to it.

“So how do I know she really wasn’t the one? I mean–“

“Your ultimate compatible other has not yet been selected.” The device interrupted me before I could get out the rest of my words, trying to tag on some kind of explanation as if it was going to listen to me. I sighed, running my hand over my head.

“Yeah, I know but–“

Interrupted, again.

“The system gains insight of each participant progresses through numerous relations and uses the gathered data to eventually select an ultimate compatible other.”

Nothing about the robotic female voice surprised me at this point, things that I’d more or less heard before. But something about it still doesn’t settle with me right. Reaching the top of the hill, I stand there for a moment and glance around, absorbing the view. “But I’ve got to go through many relationships before I get there,” I assessed, mostly to myself. The coach doesn’t mind chiming in regardless.

“That is correct.”

Great. I plop down onto the grass for a moment, knees bent and allowing myself to relax. The weather was pleasant enough outside, just comfortable enough to run in long sleeves. It’s nice to just sit in the stillness without distraction from the outside, even if it’s inevitable that it doesn’t last for very long. Peace and quiet was something that was nearly impossible to find these days.

Jinxing myself, a beep from the coach pulled my thoughts away from the bliss of simplicity. Another match. I can’t help but roll my eyes and let out a sigh, pushing myself back onto my feet. Dating was something that I’d never thought was going to be exhausting, but if each one was going to take this much thought out of me, it looked like I had more on my agenda than what I had originally planned. 

Heading back to my place, it doesn’t take me long to get changed out of the jogging gear and into something more appropriate for a first date. I didn’t know how long this one was going to last – whether it’d be hours or perhaps weeks, but I didn’t want to leave a bad impression nonetheless. Slacks and a light blue button-down are put on, knowing the atmosphere of the meeting place this time. I tried to rush, not wanting to keep her waiting for too long, and head over as soon as I’m presentable and smelling more like body wash instead of sweat.

I’m guided to the table by my coach, where a younger looking black woman was sitting, dressed in a purple blouse and wearing her hair back in some kind of bun. She wasn’t looking around nervously at all, though, instead focused on picking apart a salad already placed down in front of her.

“Hi,” I cleared my throat. “I’m Jackson.”

“Hmm.” Some kind of judgmental noise, one that I wasn’t capable of picking apart on such short notice. Not a good sigh. “Stephanie,” she answered with a tight smile. “I’ve been waiting for awhile,” she complained.

“Sorry, I was changing,” I explained as I slowly sat down in front of her. “I see you started without me,” I observed, somewhat trying to make conversation and unsure what else to say.

“I was hungry.” She said shortly.

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’m sorry about that.” Another apology quickly, settling into my place on the booth across for her. For a moment, I fiddle with the napkin, setting it down across my laps. It’s already awkward and I don’t want to make it any worse between the two of us, so I leave it up to her to say something away from the conversation about my lateness.

To my fortune, she doesn’t hesitate. “Come on then, let’s check the expiry! Get it out of the way.” Stephanie suggested, already pulling out of her coach. There’s a moment where I blink in surprise before nodding quickly, pulling out my own.

“Oh! Yeah, of course,” I breathed out. I’d only done this once before but I remember the steps without any kind of explanation, swiping to the right place. We both lean forward across the table with our devices nearly next to each other, making eye contact with each other for a brief moment before pressing the button for the reveal at the same time.

_One year._

Oh.

_Oh._

There’s a tense moment between the two of us, both debating what to say. Even if things didn’t seem great on a first meeting, well, there was always the potential for things to get better. The system knew better than I did, right? That was the whole point of it being in place because it knew best. Things with April had been great right off the bat and that’d had such a short time period, maybe this would just be the opposite of that. Of course, making the comparison so quickly… not a good sign for the supposed year that was to come between us, but I suppress it quickly, trying to offer up some kind of piece of optimism before things could become too awkward.

“It could be a mistake,” Stephanie says before I got the chance. Ouch. Even if I wasn’t feeling too great about it, I definitely wouldn’t have blurted out something like that – not so immediately, and not right in front of her. “Coach, is this a mistake?” She questioned the device.

“No, it is not a mistake.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” she swore.

Honestly, at the moment, I was feeling just about the same. And her attitude about it wasn’t helping in the slightest. I couldn’t imagine how the two of us were going to get through a year of a relationship together when it didn’t even seem like she liked me after one day. Going home together? That sounded like another mountain that I was in no position to climb. There was no excitement, no rush to finish the meal and make the most of our time together. It’s a complete contrast to last night in the worst of possible ways.

“I’m sure that there’s a reason for it,” I offer up as sympathetically as I can muster. She stared at me blankly for a moment and I’m grateful for the interruption of a waiter bringing me my food – chicken masala, by the looks of it. At least that was one improvement from last night. I thanked him with a nod of my head and picked up my cutlery, already dreading the silence that had formed between the two of us. This was going to be a long night. I could only hope it wasn’t going to be reflective of the year between us.

Silverware scraped against the plates between us, and the conversation made is… well, nothing. I attempted a joke near the beginning and she’s shot that down with a condescending comment and glare. It made downing my glass of a wine much easier and faster than what it should have been.

When we finally go home that night, the awkwardness hadn’t evaporated between us yet. I let her shower first and she takes what seems like forever as I try to adjust to the new living corridors, somewhat nicer than the last though not substantially so. I hop in the shower after she does, taking my own time for the sake of avoiding her. This wasn’t going to work. I didn’t have a clue how the hell the system thought that we would be capable of staying together for an entire year when I didn’t even want to spend a single night with her.

The sex is awful. I should have seen that one coming, too. She laid there as if she were dead, only opened her mouth to complain – usually, well, complaining about me making any sound. I’d never struggle to finish before, but apparently, she made that possible.

The next day, avoiding her by working out is just about the only thing that I can look forward to. I find myself at the gym fairly early in the day, tennis racket in hand and bouncing it off the wall over and over again. It wasn’t much of a distraction, even if it kept my gaze somewhere. I couldn’t get rid of the unsettling feeling inside of my gut that came with being with her. Maybe I was being too harsh, comparing her too much… but it really didn’t make any sense to me. Matches should have been getting more accurate, not less. I shouldn’t have hit it off with the first girl and then dreaded being around the second, especially with the contrast in the lengths of the relationship. Most people trust the system without thinking a lot about it, but now all I could do was doubt it.

Talking to the coach about it was at least better than trying to make any sort of conversation with Stephanie about it, though. Her negativity about it wasn’t something that I found myself having much patience for. Hopefully, it was something that I’d at least be able to adjust to soon.

“So what, I can’t just… I don’t know, leave her?” The question feels harsh, but it’s something that I have to ask. I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it was a tempting thought.

“That is correct. One day it will provide you with your ultimate match.”

As if I hadn’t already heard that one before. The ball bounces toward me once more and I swing the racket with more force than what was necessary, jogging over to meet where it bounces off to next and trying to relax.

“One day, one day…” I mutter with a shake of my head, intentionally missing the tennis ball this time as it bounces back toward me. That one day wasn’t going to be within the next three hundred and sixty-four days. No, those were going to be miserable at best. But maybe it’d at least come somewhere in the near future after that. This game didn’t seem like it was going to be an enjoyable one.

The next few weeks pass with some kind of pattern establishing between us, even if the comfort isn’t quite there. We learn to exist within each other’s space without completely driving the other up the wall, even if I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells around her. It’s hard to tell if she felt the same way, really: she was blunt. She didn’t care much about what I said or thought, that much had been pretty obvious from day one. On the bright side, I’ve been working out so much that I’m now in the best shape of my life. At least that was one, tiny silver lining in the midst of all of it.

A big social event was being held, and it’s an excuse to get out of the house together without suffocating in each other’s presence. Bailey and Ben – whoever the hell they were, some advocates for the system meant to excite people. It didn’t really matter to me. Getting the chance to socialize with other people, normal people, was a blessing all by itself.

Walking down the pathway to the party, once we reach the crowd, it doesn’t take Stephanie long to leave my side. I don’t mind. The tension in my shoulder disappears almost immediately and I can feel myself relaxing from the mere absence of her critical presence. One of the waiters walked by with a tray of drinks and I don’t hesitate to take a glass of champagne, swallowing a mouthful as I slowly meander around the place. There’s not a lot of familiar faces, unsurprisingly. It’s not like I’ve been circling around this crowd for a while. But what does catch me off guard is a mane of red, curly hair that I would have been able to recognize from a mile away. From the first time in awhile, I smile.

April was standing with another man, taller than her but not quite as tall as me, light brown haired and fair looking. I couldn’t hear a word of what they were saying, but she was smiling, even laughing a little. I wondered how long this relationship of hers was supposed to go long, if she was with him for a year, too. If she was, well… there’s jealousy there for a multitude of reasons. But at least one of us looked happy.

Everyone gathers around to listen to Bailey and Ben’s story, and I can’t find myself particularly interested in. They laugh and joked with each other as if they’d known each other for decades, clearly comfortable and happy in their relationship. It was something to look forward to, one day, but I knew that day wasn’t near… Bailey spoke to doubting the system, of course, and just having to power through. Seemed like it was a lot easier said than done when you were standing up there with your ultimate match instead of stuck in a relationship with a woman that you could hardly tolerate, that much was for sure. The reassurance doesn’t stick with me in the way that it should. I clap with everyone else for the sake of appearances but don’t so much as spare a glance at Stephanie. I know that she’s far from the one for me.

As people separate their own ways after the speech to continue with the gathering, I make my way to the food table. At least I knew where I could be completely comfortable, loading up a tiny plate with the different o’dourves that had been placed out for the guests.

“Hi!” A chirpy voice snuck up on me out of nowhere, hand jumping to my shoulder.

“Hey,” I greeted her with a quick smile, coughing for a moment with a piece of throat caught in the middle of my throat.

“Was that your–?” April asked, waving over to Stephanie’s direction.

I grunt out a nod for a moment, choking on the middle of the food. A few more coughs escape attempting to dislodge it before I can panic about it, hand curled into a fist covering my mouth in an attempt at being a little more casual about this.

“Oh, are you really?” Her eyes widened for a moment examining me, and I nodded my head with another cough. She moved behind me, a tiny fist pounding on my back a couple of times. With her help, I end up spitting out my food on the ground, accidentally getting a bit of strawberry on her show.

“Thanks, uh, sorry, thanks for that,” I quickly stutter out an apology, embarrassed by the situation. “You look nice.” I throw in a compliment quickly, trying to smooth it out.

“Well, I’d return the compliment, but uh,” she tucked her hair back behind her ear as she glanced down at her heels. “You did just spit up on my shoe.”

“In my defense, they’re kind of terrible.” I chuckled out, pulling out a dazzling smile.

“Really?” She feigned shock. “Guess that means they’ll be good for kicking you with.” Playful attitude not to be forfeited under the circumstances, the heel of her shoe gives me shin a light, teasing nudge.

My hand comes over my chest, pretending for a moment to be hurt and watching her face light up with the laughter that spilled from her lips. I couldn’t help but return the smile with something as simple as seeing her laugh, feeling more at ease and at home in her presence over a stupid conversation than I have in the past few weeks with Stephanie. April lifted the burden off my shoulders without so much as trying. I needed that.

Interruption came in the form of the man that I saw laughing with her earlier approaching, clearing his throat and offering me a polite smile. April straightened up suddenly, her own smile shifting toward a more cordial one as her gaze bounced between the two of us.

“Oh, right, sorry! Matthew, this is Jackson. Jackson, this is Matthew.” She introduced the pair of us politely. I extended my hand in greeting with a smile of my own, giving him a firm shake.

“Hi, great to meet you,” I offered up.

“Hi.”

“We were, uh, together, for a wee bit,” April began to explain, looking forward Matthew and placing a hand on his arm.

“Just a short bit,” I interjected, unsure if I was making things more or less awkward.

“Yeah, right before the two of us got together,” she finished up with a nod of her head.

“Oh, so you two are together?” For a brief moment, I act as if I hadn’t watched the two of them earlier. I don’t want to make it look weird. “Wow, that’s great. Really. You two, you uh, you look like a great team.” I exhaled loudly with the words.

There’s an awkward lull in the conversation, April giving out a shrug of her shoulders and a little huff of laughter. Before things could get much weirder between the three of us, the sound of applause takes over in the crowd once again and pulls us away as we all look over to see what were going on. Ben and Bailey were heading out, apparently. Even if I’m not ready to say goodbye to her just yet, the interruption is vastly appreciated. We all exchange quick goodbyes and polite smiles, trying to keep up good terms, before the two of them head off and I’m tasked with finding Stephanie among the crowd again.

It doesn’t take particularly long with her trying to do the same thing, everyone following out the main attraction as pairs. We don’t take hands like many of the others do, instead, just trailing off near the end of the following couples. No conversation is bothered to be exchanged between the two of us. We both know that the other doesn’t care much about how they had spent their separate time.

My eyes scan the crowd in front of us again, and it’s easy to spot that fiery spark of hair midst the crowd. To my surprise, April glanced over her shoulder for a moment, clearly looking behind her for something.

Or someone. A long moment of eye contact is shared between the two of us, and I smile once more. She was somehow the only one here capable of pulling a real, authentic one out of me. I don’t think Stephanie had managed that in the weeks that we’d been living together, and now that I have the reminder of just how wonderful April had been, going back to the situation that we were in was only going to be harder. The lingering stare can only last for so long, and I watch as Matthew catches her from stumbling over herself. The last part of her I see is the waves of red hair, no doubt wondering off to their own vehicle.

Stephanie and I do the same, returning to our place without much conversation between us. Our nightly routine is pretty much the same as it always is: we undress, she showers first and spends awhile in the bathroom. I've learned not to complain about the length of the time that she takes in there, and go in wordlessly once she's done. We fall into bed or not. Depending on her levels of complaint, we make our way through boring sex. And she falls asleep.

I, on the other hand, am tasked with listening to the sound of her snoring for what felt like an impossibly long time each night. No matter what position, Stephanie snored like there was no end. Some nights I sleep on the couch, others I suck it up and fall asleep. Tonight wasn't one of those nights.

Instead, I pull myself out of bed and move to the couch, stretching out across the length of it, feet and head both propped up on the arms of the furniture due to my height. Between throw pillows, I've pretty much mastered making the position comfortable enough that I don't wake up with a stiff or painful neck in the morning. Just another one of those things that I've learned to make due with since having to live with her.

But tonight, for once, I fall asleep with happier thoughts on my mind. Thoughts about a woman who could really make me smile and light me up with joy.

April.


	3. Chapter 3

_**APRIL** _

Curling up in bed comfortably that nice, I wait on Matthew to finish up showering. It’d been nice to see Jackson again. I’d be lying to myself if I said that I hadn’t thought about him in the past weeks that I’d been with Matthew.

It wasn’t that my current other half was a bad guy. Really, he wasn’t. If anything he was a little too nice from time to time, making the things that were a little annoying that much more difficult to point out without feeling guilty about it. I was far from perfect and I knew it. And he really was a good guy. There was no magic spark between the two of us, nothing earth shattering about our relationship, but there was also nothing bad about it other than perhaps… it was a little boring. He was a little boring, specifically. But complaining about that, I instantly felt bad. There was nothing wrong with being boring, and no point in holding him up to impossible standards. I was probably boring to most people, too.

I skim through the newspaper, but my thoughts still manage to remain on today’s party.

Ben and Bailey had seemed happy with each other. Really happy. It was reassuring to see that somewhere along the way the system really did get it right, even if I wasn’t totally satisfied with the relationship I was in now. Maybe my Mr. Right was just sitting around the corner, stuck in the same kind of situation that I was in now. It seemed entirely possible.

When he finally joined me in bed that night, we lay next to each other comfortably, but neither of us curls up around the other. We’d grown plenty comfortable in the past few weeks, but not enough that we’re constantly attached at the hip. We make incredible roommates – and in the kitchen, the two of us constantly kill it with the way that we gravitate around each other. But it’s still not perfect. We both pull out books to fall asleep reading, preferring the company of that over making some kind of small talk.

Somewhere in the middle of his text, Matthew sighed. There’s nothing terribly wrong with it or dramatic, but it’s a noise that I’m used to hearing by now. He did it all the time – making coffee in the morning, randomly throughout the day, whenever he’s bored of a conversation… there are endless possibilities for it, really. Hearing it so many times, it had started to grate on my nerves.

“Have you ever noticed that you do that a lot?” I broach the topic, glancing over at him.

“What?”

I smile for a brief moment before imitating the sigh.

“Oh,” he paused, and I could tell he was working actively to not do it at the moment. Of course. That didn’t surprise me. “Does it bother you?” He questioned, his eyebrows raising up.

“Yeah…” I hold up my hand, thumb and first finger millimeters from each other. “Just a little bit.”

“I’ll try not to do it,” he grabbed my hand, kissing the back of his knuckles before returning to the text of his book without another word for me. I stared at him a minute longer, suddenly having to hold back a sigh of my own. It doesn’t take me long to get bored of what I’m reading and fall asleep on my own.

The months that follow flow together rather seamlessly. He doesn’t completely keep to his word about holding back the sigh, but I don’t complain about it any further – once is more than enough, and there’s no point freaking out about it when the two of aren’t going to be together forever. The time together is enjoyable enough and goes by without either of us needing to check for a reminder of how much time is left.

Jackson keeps on my mind from time to time, and I wonder how things were going with him and Stephanie. He hadn’t seemed thrilled with the relationship that he was in at the moment, but hopefully, his next one would end up better. Really, I wanted that for the both of us. I guess it was easy to get caught up in the first relationship that you were in, especially when it was so short and then to dive into such a long one immediately after… I had to wonder what a long one would be between the two of us. Maybe it would have been terrible. I’d trained myself to think that every time the thought came up, some way of trying to keep myself from lingering obsessively about it. He probably hadn’t given me a second thought until we’d run into each other again. Why would we?

Eventually, the nine months between me and Matthew come to an end. There’s no particular sadness or joy to be felt on the day when hours turn to minutes left together. It’d been good, but not great. That was something that I assumed the both of us knew, even if it wasn’t something that we openly discussed with each other. It was just the way that it was.

Stepping outside of the house that we’d been sharing for weeks, crisp autumn breeze rushed against my pale skin. I breathe in the fresh air, feeling like some kind of new start was about to hit me. Every ending was supposed to be some kind of new beginning.

“So, it’s been really great,” Matthew said as he turned to me, bending down and kissing my cheek. “Shame that it has to end,” he added. I can’t tell if he’s being authentic about it, but I appreciate the words nonetheless.

“But end it must,” I added with a smile, taking a moment to realize that it sounds a little harsh. “According to the system, you know,” I clarified, clearing my throat.

We smile and hug once more until the beeping of our devices pulls our attention away and signaled that it was time to go. One last smile before we head off to our separate cars, me in a little more of a rush that he was. It makes me feel bad about it, but only for a moment. Some alone time sounded nice.

I go for a swim, enjoying the cool weather and knowing that it was unlikely that I was going to be able to enjoy it for much longer. Stroking my way back and forth through the length of the pull, the cool water feels good against my skin even if I can feel a chill of air raising bumps across my skin each time that I have to come up for air. I can hear my coach beeping from across the pull midst gasping for oxygen, and slow down just a bit as I finish crossing the length of the pull, hauling half off my body out of the water to get a peek at it.

“Another match already?”

“That is correct.”

Huh. It really seemed like there was no messing around when it came to the speed of this thing.

I haul ass in order to make sure that I’m not running terribly late for the date, rinsing off in the shower and half-drying it and twisting my hair into a decent undo so it’s not obvious that the auburn locks are damp. A purple dress and nude heels are put on, barely getting a glance at myself in the mirror before I’m heading off into the car. Somehow, I still manage to be the first one at the table – maybe I’m quicker than I realize, but I’m glad. Being late had always just been one of those little things that I hated, I took time management a bit too seriously.

When my date finally arrived, I still don’t feel like an expert – but at least, this time, I know how this all works. We both pull out our coaches and smile at each other politely, but we want to know what best behavior we needed to be on for the night. Maybe that was the point of the end date. Pressing down for the reveal at the same time, I’m more surprised than he is.

_Thirty-six hours._

“Oh,” I murmured, finding myself disappointed.

“Well, guess that’s just enough time to have some fun with each other, yeah?” He offered me. What was his name again? Derek. Right. He was already presenting himself as arrogant and that was admittedly unappealing to me. Maybe it was a good thing that this was short.

The time passed decently enough – mostly because, well, it was passed with sex. He wasn’t bad in bed, better than Matthew, but I don’t feel anything with him, really. At least Matthew had been good company, the two of them neither terrible or wonderful individually, but in different ways. By the time that our hours together are over, I don’t feel bad walking away with a short goodbye. It hadn’t been anything special, by design. I can’t be surprised by it.

Much to my disappointment, the dates to come only end up the same. Hours or days, sex more than anything else. There wasn’t anything wrong with having sex and I knew that at this point in my life, but I didn’t… really care. It made it hard to put any kind of effort into a relationship when I knew that there wasn’t anything long term coming from it. Somehow it seemed like the system was now working against me instead of providing me with anything good. I’d questioned it on that very first date with Jackson and mostly been able to toss out the thoughts with the long relationship that I’d been in with Matthew, but here I could feel them coming on even stronger than they had been in the first place. It’s hard to get rid of with guy after guy, and the more that happens, the more bored and disenchanted I am with all of it.

First Derek, then Owen, then Vik, then… the names, faces, they all begin to blur together after awhile.

I don’t want to commit to any of them that I meet, all hopes dropping each time we open the reveal and there’s less than a week left. I’m at the point where I didn’t even want to know because I knew the lack of commitment that I’d be able to offer emotionally, yet I can’t bring myself to actually ask that of any of them. Sex was meaningless, all of it was meaningless. Nothing about the system made sense when it was just throwing me one night stand after one-night stand.

Spring was getting near, but not enough that I can actually begin to wear dresses again. When my coach tells me that I have another match tonight, I barely react. I’m so worn down by the system that I can’t stand it anymore. Slacks and a navy blouse was enough to cut it for the evening, bundled up beneath a heavy jacket and scarf as I ride over to the restaurant. It’s crowded more than usual on this particular evening, but I don’t think much of it. I let the coach guide me.

Much to my surprise, it’s a familiar face sitting at the table.

“Jackson!”

I squealed with excitement, and I can see him light up with joy as he stood up, hugging me tightly. He lifted me up and spun me around and I let out genuine laughter for the first time in months, so excited to see him. After becoming numb to everything and everyone that I’d been seeing in the past few months, this was the exact kind of uplifting that I needed tonight. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect to get me through this.

“God, am I so glad to see you,” I said as I stretched up and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, blushing to myself. We both sit down at the table, large smiles across our lips.

“I’m really glad to see you too,” he admitted, hand stretching across the table. I don’t hesitate to reach out to him, taking his larger hand with one of mine and giving it a squeeze. After so many questions about why the system had given us only a few hours together, this was something that finally made sense. It was giving us some kind of desperately needed second chance. I needed it now more than ever.

“I know that I’m probably completely crazy for even suggesting this, but can we please not check our expiry date? I’ve been on so many dates in the past few weeks and I’m honestly exhausted from it.” The plea comes out as much more of a ramble than what I intended.

“That’s fine with me,” Jackson reassured me with a smile. 

The waiter interrupted to bring us food after a moment, chicken parmigiana and spaghetti for me and some kind of gnocchi that I can’t recognize for him. A hell of a lot better for the bot how us than what our first date had been, and I’m trying not to read into it too far even though every instinct in me wanted to. It was just food. There was no reason to make any kind of big deal about it.

“I’ve been having the worst string of dates,” I admitted with a sheepish smile. “Honestly, the system’s been driving me crazy with all of these hours or days together. It’s like, I thought this was designed so that we could kind our forever partner. But you know when it’s that short of a time together, it’s either sex or the other guy’s going to think that you’re a complete prude. And it’s not like I want either of us those things, you know? There has to be some kind of middle ground.” I don’t mean to complain quite so soon about the system, and perhaps I shouldn’t be when it had finally brought us back together again, but I’m just all too relieved to finally have a change of pace with the company of someone that I already knew I enjoyed. Maybe those exact circumstances had been how we had met the first time, but things with him had just been different than any other short date that I had been on.

He laughed, much to my surprise. I frown for only a moment before he offered an explanation. “Honestly? You remember Stephanie, right? We were together for a year and I thought that I was just about ready to blow my brains out. She drove me crazy. Snored like a freight train and preferred to think that I just didn’t exist and she was living alone. I’m pretty sure that she hated me from day one, actually. I would’ve killed for some kind of break from that monotony.”

In a weird way, it’s nice to know that the system hadn’t b been treating him any better than it had been me. Not that I wished him any kind of misery – he was a great guy, I wouldn’t want that for him or nearly anyone else. But at least it meant the system wasn’t out to just get me specifically. Maybe it was just the system in general, some kind of fault that had yet to been work out. Or maybe it just never would be, given how high the success rate was advertised to be.

“Well, at least we’ve both been miserable.” I offered as optimistically as I could manage.

“Here’s to the end of that,” Jackson announced as he picked up his wine glass and held it out for me. I grabbed my own and clinked it against his before swallowing a mouthful and offering him a bright smile.

“So, should we race to finish our dinner again, or run off the assumption that we’ve got all the time in the world?” I questioned, remembering back on our first date together rather fondly. Maybe the system really was learning from everyone that the two of us had already seen.

“Let’s take our time.”

And we do. It feels good, to be able to actually live like normal people for once, like there wasn’t some time bomb hanging over our heads every minute. Even though we’d spent that first night discussing how things much have been so much harder without the system in place, there’s some kind of relief in acting like we’re not apart of it, like we’ve been freed from the constraints that it put on us. It does make me question whether or not things really were that much harder when things between the two of us feel this good. It certainly made it obvious that things weren’t quite as perfect underneath this system as it was advertised to be, but I know that questioning it isn’t something that we’re really supposed to do. All of the automated and trained responses that the coach could offer for any of our inquiries, well, it always answers positively in an attempt to get rid of the lingering doubt. I’d heard the statistic about 99.8% so many times that I felt like it was practically ingrained in me by now.

But at least now with that particular statistic stuck my head, I feel like there’s finally a chance that it might have actually applied to me. Maybe I didn’t know every detail of him and who he was, but I still feel like I knew a good portion of who he was. He was a nice guy, funny. He had a way of making me feel good about myself that ran deeper than anything that I’ve ever experienced with a guy before. It genuinely seemed like the system was getting more accurate about what I wanted and needed in a partner.

When we fall into bed together that night, there’s no pressure for the two of us to have sex without knowing what kind of time restraint was lingering over our head. But we do end up curled up against each other, his warmth surrounding me in absolutely every single day. And it’s so much more comfortable than sleeping alone or next to some sweaty hunk of a man that I would never really know.

Sex isn’t something that I’m actively avoiding though, either. When I wake up that morning and sunlight is streaming into the room, a reminder of what we haven’t done is pressing firmly into the curve of my rear. I can’t exactly fault him for that, not when I was thinking about it too. One of the few perks of being a woman was more subtle arousal.

Jackson doesn’t wake up until I’m on my knees and hunched over, lips wrapping gently around the head of his cock. It takes him a moment to realize what’s happening, but only a moment passed before his hand was tangled in my morning bed head.

My tongue darted across his sensitive slit, smiling as I pulled back only to press a kiss against the length of his shaft.

“Good morning,” I greeted him, barely sitting up. He leaned forward and there’s a quick shift and adjustment of our bodies as his lips pressed firmly into mine. Only a moment passed before my back was against the bed and he was on top of me, able to feel the weight of his cock pressing against the inside of my thigh, teasing me much more than what he probably realized.

“Good fuckin’ morning indeed,” he swore out, nipping at my bottom lip. But his mouth isn’t on mine for long before it’s traveling down the expanse of my neck, marking up and sucking on the soft skin there, leaving me mewling and desperate for more.

My hands smoothed over the muscles of his chest, though not for long. I wrap my hand around his thick cock once more, gently jacking him off. As much as I’m sure that I would’ve enjoyed giving him head, my thoughts have already shifted feeling his mouth on me. I want him in every way, and right now, I want him inside of me.

He’s either too damn good at this or already capable of reading my mind. My shirt is gone quickly, large hands squeezing and massaging my breasts. His thumbs get my nipples standing at attention easily, and he picks up on the sign, taking one into his mouth. The sensation is amazing and I cry out his name when his teeth just lightly nip at them, back arching into his mouth. I probably could have come from that alone – he was that good. But the more that he did, the more that I wanted him buried between my legs.

When he’s finally settled between my legs and his tongue is on me, I’ve lost all hope for being quiet. I moan wantonly, my hand on his head as if to pull him in and push him away at the same time, the pleasure nearly too much for me to handle. Before I can even process it, I scream out with an orgasm taking control of my body completely, thighs practically having a vice grip on his head as I ride out the waves of pleasure.

“Please, Jackson, I need you inside of me,” I begged him.

It takes nearly no time for him to give me what I want, pushing inside of me. Even if it’s not my first time, it’s my first time with him, and that was what meant something to me. Yet in a weird way, it doesn’t feel like our first time together. It felt like we’d been meant to do this for a long time, like I’d finally fallen into bed with my other half. It doesn’t take long for the two of us to find a rhythm that worked well for the both of us. His hands never stop moving across my body and I’m suddenly obsessed with his hands on my breasts. But it’s more than that, really – that was just a superficial. He was it. He was my obsession.

Maybe it’s a miracle or maybe, just credit should have given completely to him when we managed to finish at the same time, his thumb working seriously with the task of getting me off for a second time, the tightness of my orgasm pushing him over his edge. Whatever it was, I could already feel myself becoming completely obsessed with him.

There’s no rush to get up, the two of us basking in the glory of post-coital bliss. His hand stroked soothingly along the length of my side, and I’m happy to just lay there and ignore the course of the day. Being able to just exist as two people, free from all of the boundaries that society, the system, and everything else tried to confine us to… it’s freeing. I hadn’t even realized that the burden I was carrying had been there until now until it was gone because of him. And god, was it terrifying to think that this too, would one day end.

Snuggling comfortably into Jackson, I breathe him in, sweat and all. It's good. No, it's great.


	4. Chapter 4

_** JACKSON ** _

April was amazing.

So much of my time with my last match had been spent thinking about her and hyping her up in my mind, and yet despite all of that, reality didn’t disappoint in the slightest. She was so full of life and laughter, the kind of heart and happiness that absolutely radiated and infected everyone around her. I’d never thought that there was much missing from my life other than in the ways that were obvious, but even her presence in a few days had let me know just how much more there was. It’s a little weird, not knowing when it was going to end but knowing that the date was still there somewhere. But the system had already put us together more than once, so it seemed like there was finally something working out in my favor.

But life was no longer cohabitation with someone that I despised. She felt like a friend just as much as she did a lover, and her company was something that I didn’t have to fake being around. I didn’t dread it or look for excuses to go running off in the other direction, and the sex? I didn’t want to be that guy, but it was so much better than anything I had ever with Stephanie. She was full of passion, nothing boring or simple about anything that she did.

I was no longer a prisoner, sitting back and watching the clock, counting the minutes until there would be none left. Now I wanted the exact opposite with her.

And as much as I enjoy spending time in bed with her and getting to know every inch and crevice of her body, the time spent out of bed is just as enjoyable, too. She’s got personality, more than just the flesh. She’s got everything that I wanted and more – a part of me has to wonder how she’s not the final matchup for me, how there’s supposed to be someone better for me out there. Maybe I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did, but it felt as if I’d known and waited for her my entire life already. Realistically, I’d barely even started in this system, but I didn’t care.

We stroll through the park hand-in-hand, enjoying the weather even if it’s not perfect now. Jackets are a necessity but the cool breeze feels good bundled beneath the layers that we wear. She enjoyed being outside just as much as I did and being stuck inside of our pre-decorated and established house did demand a chance of scenery every once and awhile. Some mindless chatter is made, but one topic in my head hadn’t stopped bugging me.

“What if there’s no scrutiny, it’s just putting us together in any ordered we all just go along with it because they’re always telling us how clever and successful it is?” I questioned, glancing down at her as I spoke.

“Well, it does put people with their one. I mean, it’s got a 99.8% success rate. That’s huge.” April pointed out with a soft smile.

“But how do you know they’re perfect matches, you know? Could just wear us down until we’re just worn down with all of the randomly timed relationships, getting us ready to just settle down with whoever’s available by the end of it. You just get more pliable until it tells you that you’re with the one, and at that point, you just give in.” Maybe odd words given how much I already cared for her, but I couldn’t help my skepticism after what the system had delivered to me. It’d gone back and forth from one extreme to the other, and there was still supposed to be something after this.

April’s arms circled around my neck as I went on with my little spiel and I’m not sure if she’s trying to distract me from the topic at mind or offering up something genuine. Either way, my hands naturally move to the curve of her waist and pull her in against me, dipping down my head so that I could place a soft kiss on her lips.

“Do you think that I’m settling down you?” She questioned with raised brows, her nose brushing against mine. I return the sentiment.

“Nope,” I clucked with a cocky smile. She’s not the source of my doubts, just the only person who was willing to listen to them without looking at me as if I was completely crazy for not putting my blind trust in it. Maybe I’d believe once I found the one, but it felt like I already had, no matter what the system was going to say about our fate together.

“Do you want to know what I think about it?” She asked.

I nodded to answer.

“Alright. So, say that it’s not random – it’s just as fancy and elaborate as they set it up to be. It uses the Coach to just absorb all of our reactions, watch how we interact with each other, build up this complex profile that’s supposed to capture our essential essence. All the crazy moments, the strengths and weaknesses, just everything that’s going on in your head.” She paused, looking up at me expectantly.

“Okay… so where exactly are you going with this?” I prompted.

“Like, if it’s everything just going on in your own head, does it have its own thoughts? I mean–”

This time I interrupt her, unable to help myself. “I know where you’re going with this. What if that’s us, and we’re stuck in a stimulation?” My voice jumped up an octave with the teasing question as it fell from my mouth, giving an attempt at mimicking her own voice and tugging her hips against mine one more.

“Well, how would we know?” April retorted.

I couldn’t tell if she’d taken offense that I’d jumped to the conclusion on my own but she doesn’t disagree. My bottom lip rolled between my teeth for a moment though it did nothing to hide the smile on my face, able to feel the corners of my mouth lifted upward toward my eyes. Without any hesitation, I slipped a hand beneath her blouse and gave the skin of her hip a quick, light pinch – just enough for her to feel but not enough to really hurt her.

“Oh!” She jumped and squealed in response.

“I think that gives us a clue, doesn’t it?” I chuckled as I bent down to kiss her, laughing as she pushed away almost at the same moment as my lips brushed against her. Both of us are smiling despite it. She took a few steps away from me though glanced back with a smile, her eyes twinkling at me. How could something that beautiful ever just be the creation of some simulation?

The conversation is let go between the two of us, even if my doubts about how the system worked as a whole didn’t go away. It wasn’t like we could just walk away from this, go on our own – that wasn’t a thing that happened, as far as I knew. I’d never heard stories about anything like that happening, but I had to wonder about the 0.2% that didn’t end up paired with their final match. Did they end up leaving? Did they know that there was someone better out there because they had already been for the better? Questions like that weren’t something that I was going to get any kind of answer to, not here. But I didn’t want to harass her with them. I could tell that she liked me, but I wasn’t sure if it ran quite as deep.

Days spent with her are by far some of the best and most memorable that I’ve heard. Truthfully, I’d never had much of a great memory – facts, events, sure. But a lot of my personal memories faded away pretty quickly. Honestly, it’s a little weird to think about it. So I usually don’t.

But now I finally have memories that I really wanted to hold onto. And some of them are small things – the way that her eyes light up when she really smiles, the little dimple that adorned one of her cheeks. She glowed like nothing else. She was a tiny thing and yet she had a personality that filled up the entire room in a way that seemed absolutely effortless. Somehow, she flipped into the space that my soul did, sharing it and filling it up with me. And it was a beautiful, happy thing. The more that I thought about her, the more time that I spent with her, the more that I loved her. This had to be love. I couldn’t put any kind of other words on it before. Maybe I’d never really been in love, not in a way like this before, but I knew that I was now. There was nothing else that would have made me feel so strong and secure with where I was in life now.

I can’t help that I’m a little bothered by the fact that there’s an end date, and I don’t know it, though. Just enough to drive me crazy.

Laying in bed that night, I get restless as my thoughts drone on and on about it. Watching her sleep does bring me a little bit of comfort, seeing the steady rise and fall of her rest, the relaxation that added more youth to her already young features. Her hair always sprawled around her with her adjustments during the night, and at the moment, it circles her like a halo, as if she’s an angel all on her own. Hell, maybe she was. It wouldn’t have surprised me if that was the case. 

The longer that I lay there watching, though, the more restless I get. Moving slowly as to not disturb or wake her, I pull myself out of bed and grab my coach from off the tables. Navigating in the dark has gotten easier the longer that we’ve been in this house, and I make my way into the kitchen, not wanting to disturb her rest any.

“Hey, Coach?” I whisper quietly to the device.

“Hello, Jackson.” It greeted me with its usual monotony.

I glance around as if I’m expecting April to appear from the bedroom any moment and ask me why I’m up, but she doesn’t. There’s a long pause with the light glowing on my face before I can offer anything up. “I’ve got to know,” I mumbled, half to the device and half just to myself.

“What would you like to know?”

“The expiry date, for me and April. I need to know how long we’re supposed to be together,” I requested.

There’s a long pause where the device is silent. It’s something that I’m not used to given how quick the robotic voice on the other side usually responded to absolutely anything I had to say, but this time, I get nothing. Guilt runs through me. Was a robot capable of realizing that this wasn’t a good idea for the relationship, and I wasn’t? Sure, it’s supposed to know all about how this works. But if me and April really somehow weren’t meant to be together, in the long run, I just couldn’t believe that it knew absolutely everything. It was luck that we had ended up together a second time after our brief night together and then a year of separation. I didn’t anticipate that luck would strike us again like that a third time.

“What, are you not going to talk me out of it?” I asked with a sigh falling from my lips, scratching the back of my head. Maybe this really was a bad idea. Maybe I was an idiot for not being able to see it by myself.

“Would you like me to talk me out of it?”

“What?” A good question. “Yeah, no, I uh…” Mumbled syllables leave my mouth instead of anything remotely coherent. “I don’t know,” I shook my head. This decision was going to be a bigger one than I really realized when I’d first dragged myself out of the bed, a middle of the night impulse. Maybe that should have been the first indicator, that I hadn’t been able to do this in front of April. 

The beeping of the device draws my attention back to it, a somewhat familiar screen glowing on it. A place for my thumbprint, and the infamous text beneath it. Reveal. Both parties must tap at the same time. It’s a blatant reminder of what I’m doing, what I’m not supposed to be doing. Yet something about it only ate away at my gut even further instead of giving me any relief about the lack of clarity with my future. Two roads, divergent, yet dark ends lingering down each of them.

“No, I’m not gonna do it. I said I wouldn’t.” I spoke to myself, shaking my head. I couldn’t betray her trust like this, could I? What would even happen if I checked it without her knowing? Some kind of notification could pop up on her own device. I didn’t have to tell her, even if it was something that I knew. Maybe it’d give me a way to figure out what I was feeling about the system, figure out how to navigate around it better without constantly doubting it. There had to be some kind of relief down that path. The one that I was currently on, well, there didn’t seem like there were any choices on it for me regardless. I’d honestly never considered myself that much of a control freak but now I was starting to doubt that assessment of myself.

“Ah, fuck it,” I muttered. Without thinking further, I pressed down on the reveal. 

_Five years._

“Wow.”

I sit in silence for a moment as I pondered the information. Five entire years together. I never heard a lot about long-term relationships, to be honest, it seemed like most people only ended up together for months, maybe surpassing a year or so. Maybe my social network wasn’t broad enough to know any better, but that seemed like an impossibly long time together. Especially to not end up as each other’s final soulmate. Maybe there was some kind of bug in the system, something playing us. Or maybe at the end of it, it’d change its mind, see how right she was for me. I thought that I was good for her. Maybe it was too soon to tell, but that wasn’t a hope that I wanted to let go of, not when I cared about her this much.

The device beeps again, but this time it’s a noise that I haven’t heard from it before. It sounded like something about it was broken and it immediately drew me away from my bliss, looking down at the screen to see a word that I’d never seen it before. A quiet alarm blared on it.

_Recalibrating._

“What?”

_Three years._

My brows furrowed together at the sudden shortening of our time together, frown drawing across my features to match it. I tap the screen in confusion, expecting it to go back to the number that it said before, but it doesn’t. Instead, the quiet buzzing continued on.

“Coach?” I tried to question, but then the word appeared again.

_Recalibrating._

“Coach, what’s happening? It’s getting shorter. It shouldn’t be getting shorter.” With the loudness of the device blaring in my hands, I move to the front door of the house, trying to get outside so I don’t have to risk it waking up April if it continued to go like this. This was the last thing that I wanted her to find out about. Not only had I impulsively and selfishly gone against what we’d promised each other, I’d set off a chain of events that had shortened our time together.

“One-sided viewing has destabilized the expiry date.” The electronic informed me.

_18 months._

_Recalibrating._

“What? All of this because I looked at it on my own – that made it shorter?” I questioned. There was no way that this could be happening, that I could be stripping our time together down so shortly in a matter of seconds. Something like this shouldn’t have been happening. Maybe April and I hadn’t really had any arguments up until this point, but it didn’t seem possible that this one thing would be enough to strip away the foundation that we’d already started to build up together. It’d been intended to last for years. How could so much of that just change on a whim?

“That is correct.”

“Why?” I questioned quickly.

“Everything happens for a reason.” It responded bleakly.

_2 months._

“Bullshit!” I shouted as the new expiry date popped up on the screen, voice raising up louder than what I had intended for it. “Just, just undo it, okay? Make it go back. Make it go back to five years.” I pleaded with the device, hoping that there was a chance it would listen.

“I cannot do that. Once shortened, the expiry date cannot be extended.”

_Recalibrating._

Panic had already begun to set in deep in my chest, and I could now feel my heart beating rapidly from inside of my ribcage as the alarm continued to blare from the device. I paced the length of the porch as I tried to argue with the preprogrammed device, hoping to get something from it even if it seemed like suddenly the entire thing had turned against me.

_3 weeks._

“Why? Come on, this is a load of crap!”

“Everything happens for a reason.” As if I hadn’t already heard that before.

_Recalibrating._

The cycle continued over and over again and I watched as the time grew shorter and shorter, going from days to weeks. I muttered to myself, swearing under my breath and shaking my head, clutching onto the device as if it would somehow make it stoop. If only there was some way to turn back time. It seemed like the device had no problem turning it forward at my expense, so why the hell couldn’t it work the other way around, too?

_20 hours._ And from there, that countdown with seconds begun.

“No, no. There’s no way…” I grumbled, shaking my head. My vision began to blur with the wetness that had formed in my eyes and it’s a damn miracle that April had managed to sleep through all of this, because I don’t have a clue how I’m supposed to tell her that I just singlehandedly ruined what was supposed to be a five year long relationship between the two of us. Sniffling, I try to regain some control of my exposure before I head back inside of the house, slipping the device back into my pocket. I don’t go back to sleep that night, not at all.

When the redhead finally wakes up in the morning, I’m standing in our bedroom, staring out the window. I didn’t notice her wake until she snuck up on me, her arms wrapping around me frame from behind and pressing a kiss against the back of her head. We mumble good mornings and she disappears into the kitchen. Normally I’d follow her, but I can’t find any hunger.

The entire day, I can’t find myself to say much. I know that I should, I should offer explanations and apologize for what I’d done, I should give her some kind of warning so it doesn’t blindside her completely. But I can’t. We go to the park like nothing happened, and I watched as she threw stones across the lake and counted their bounces, celebrating with the successful ones. She asked me what was wrong a few times, but I can’t bring myself to come out with. Instead, whenever she’s not paying attention, I check the ticking time bomb that was now the coach in my pocket. Watching twenty turn to sixteen, to ten, to five… I can’t stand it. It’s not till we’re at the mall that April really confronted me about what was going on inside of my head.

“Alright, what’s going on, Jackson? You’ve been quiet all day. There’s something.” She questioned.

“It’s… it’s nothing,” I pitifully tried to dismiss with a shake of my head. The facade only lasted for a minute with her staring at me with those big, doe eyes, so full of worry for me. Moments, they wouldn’t look at me the same, and I knew it. But I had to come out with it. Letting out the breath that I was holding, I confessed. “I looked.”

“Looked at what?” April frowned.

I can’t bring myself to answer her and instead, my gaze dropped with shame, knowing how smart she was. It wouldn’t take her very long to figure it out with the defeated look on my face, and it doesn’t surprise me when she’s able to piece together my forlorn in only a matter of moments.

“We promised we wouldn’t, Jackson. We shook on it.” Instead of sounding angry with me, though, her voice sounded more like a whine. Only because she didn’t know yet, I figured. It wouldn’t last for long. I paused silently for a moment, waiting for her to ask what I thought would be an inevitable question. There’s tense silence for only a few seconds before I break it.

“Don’t you want to know what it said?” I asked.

“No!” April said quickly. “That was the point, to not know.”

“Well, it’s almost done anyway.” The words come spilling from my lips without a filter, more upset with myself than perhaps what she was going to be. I had no one else to blame, this was mine to bear. And that just made it worse.

“What? How almost done?” I sighed as she questioned it. Of course, that had been the thing to spark it. Pulling the device out of my pocket, the screen’s already up from how many times I had checked it during the day.

“We’ve uh, got an hour,” I admitted.

The words hurt to say outlaid much more than it did to just look at the ticking time on the screen, and the heartbreak that’s on her face nearly pushed me on the edge of a public breakdown. Normally I don’t get that emotional in front of people, but that single look was enough to bring me down to my knees. The shame is nearly impossible to deal with.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” She asked.

“I… I didn’t want to ruin our last day.” My head hung with the words, gnawing at my lower lip. Too late. “It was supposed to be five years, but now…” I stopped myself for a moment to try and gather myself, but I can see her heart completely shatter with the words that I had unloaded on her. “I looked at it, and it just started to recalibrate. It went down after that.”

“So you did this?” She shoved me accusingly with the confession, and I’m surprised, but I take it without commenting on it. I deserved every bit of rage that she had to offer me.

“No, no, I mean–“ Yes. But I can’t get that out. “Look, I was hoping that maybe we could overcome it somehow, that we’d be able to just figure it out on our own, okay? I thought that we could. I really, really did.” There’s some kind of begging in my words, trying to get her to see and understand what I had done, but if it’s there, she doesn’t show it across her face. All I can see is the way that I had hurt her.

“Why did you have to look at it?” She questioned, shaking her head at me. I can see the tears in her eyes.

“Because I love you, April.”

There’s a trail of tear down her face that I can’t ignore and I wanted nothing more than to reach out to her and wipe the tears away, to pull her into my arms and try to squeeze every ounce of sadness that I had caused right out of her. Maybe it wasn’t possible, maybe she hated me, but I didn’t care. I knew that I loved her, and I knew that I hadn’t wanted our time to end. Period. If I had known that this would be the consequence for what I’d done, I would have never done it.

“This isn’t fair,” she said in a tiny whisper.

“Listen, what if we just ignore the system? What if we just screw it and ignore it? We’ll just go. We’ll fuck the system. We’ll climb the wall, get the hell out of here, and figure it out from there. We can do it.” I implored her.

“There’s nothing over there, Jackson!” Her voice roses at me once again, and I stilled my emotions.

“How do you know? How?” I questioned.

I watched her as she shook her head at me and more tears began to spill over from her gaze, pulling at my heartstrings. I stepped toward her an attempt to wrap my arms around her but instead, she dodges my grip. The explosion between the two of us had drawn quite a few pairs of eyes, and it’s easy to see the disdain that’s written in them, hatred glaring at me. I’d gone against the system. That was something that no one did, something that no one was ever supposed to do.

"Just leave me alone, Jackson!" April shouted at me, turning away and beginning to walk off. "Don't follow me!"

I step to do so despite her requests. "April!" I called out her frame. "April, please, let's just figure this out!"

But I don't get it. The last thing that I see of her is red hair bouncing as she hurried away from me in the opposite direction, barely getting a glimpse of her tear stained cheeks as she made her way down an escalator quickly, no doubt trying to put as much distance between us as possible. Even though I want to follow, there's a security guard armed with a taser, and I know that I don't want to get involved with that. Shaking my head, I run my hand over my face, steadying myself to try and avoid shedding any tears in public or drawing any more attention to myself.

"Please, don't let this be the last time I see her..." I speak only to myself.


	5. Chapter 5

** _APRIL_ **

I don’t understand how everything between us fell apart so fast.

Things had been perfect, maybe too perfect for two people who weren’t destined to be together according to the system. The two of us had just worked. We’d been happy together, we’d fall into sync like old friends as if we’d been meant to be from that very first, too short date that we had together. And all of that had been ripped away because he had gone against our promise. I didn’t know that checking the expiry period without two-party consent would make such a difference. Especially not the rapid deterioration of ours. But it had and now there was nothing that could be done about it. I had walked away and I would probably never see him again.

“Why would something like this happen?” I inquired, clutching onto my coach.

“Everything happens for a reason.”

No sympathy or any other elicited emotion from the device, not that I should have expected anything different at this point. For a piece of machinery that was supposed to be talented and accurate when it came to assessing the people that it was assigned to, it didn’t seem to display any of the things that it was reading.

“It’s… it’s just cruel. To bring two people together like that and then rip them apart without warning like that. I don’t understand what kind of possible reasoning there could be for something like that to happen to anyone.” I ranted.

“The system will be assessing your reaction to the painful premature of a treasured relationship and will adjust and improve its profile of your eventual chosen one according.” It said robotically.

Of course, there was an answer for anything and everything already preprogrammed inside of the spherical pod. Yet I hate hearing it all the same. It’s insensitive. The more predictable of a response that it gave, the angrier that it made me. It wasn’t fair. I wanted to run back to Jackson, to apologize for storming off in the way that I had and hopefully get an apology of my own for him breaking my trust like that. But neither of those things were going to happen, not as long as this thing was in control of the both of us. We would never get that ending. We would never get any kind of real ending. Just an argument.

“Comforting,” I grumbled to the device sarcastically.

“Thank you.”

I sighed and shook my head at the lack of insight produced by the device. The more that I thought about it, the more that I had to question whether or not it had any clue what it was doing. Compatibility was an important idea but maybe I was being too idealistic about the chances that I could have had with Jackson. Especially given now that it seemed like I would never actually know. But something about the lack of closure, the idea of not knowing, just mad eye think about it more and more. It was impossible to rid the idea from my mind. 

“I don’t understand how any of this is actually working. It seems like I’d have more luck jumping the wall and running around in the wilderness that I do here,” I grumbled. It’s half-hearted, disingenuous and coming from a place of bitterness more than genuinely meaning it, but of course, the robot listening to me doesn’t pick up on that.

“You should not contravene the rules of the system. Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment.”

I couldn’t be entirely sure if banishment was much worse than where I already was – heartbroken and disappointed. I wanted a break, but I knew that wasn’t coming, either.

What was on the other side of banishment, either? No stories circulated about what happened to people who were kicked out of the system because of how successful it was supposed to be. People just weren’t supposed to do something like that. No one was really supposed to question any of it in the first place. But I can’t help but wonder just how exactly all of this was really supposed to be working out.

I spend a lot of time outside when I get the time and opportunity. The fresh air of the park was perhaps the only thing that offered me any sort of relief from everything else that was going on, feeding bread to all of the ducks and geese that huddled around the pond, tossing stones. I never get past five. I try and try again and fall short but never exceed it. It stings. All I can think about is the fact that Jackson and I should have had five years to be in a relationship, to get to know each other and enjoy our time together, and we’d never actually have that. By the time I finish that evening, I’m chucking the last of the stones I can find to the bottom of the pond, trying to get out some of my frustrations. But it doesn’t help. Nothing does, really.

Hearing the familiar chime of my device indicating a match doesn’t surprise me. When I get there and it’s a short time, it doesn’t either. I’m not in the headspace to think about another man seriously or try to. I don’t want to. The few hours indicated by the coach is somewhat filled with talking about Jackson, expressing my frustrations with the system. It’s clear that the other guy – Andrew, I think, doesn’t care.

But I don’t care that much about him, either. Maybe it’s wrong and maybe I’m letting all of it get to me more than I should, but I can feel myself shutting down in the same way that I had done with the series of short relationships that I had already endured once because of the system. It should have been able to pick up on how little I enjoyed that, and it seemed like that was exactly what I was already going through all over again.

It’s a pattern I fall into, mostly unintentionally.

I can’t connect with any of the dates that I get into – whether it was a few hours, days, or even a couple of weeks that we were supposed to be together. Mostly it was the shorter times that consumed me. Having sex with the series of strangers is more of an out of body experience than any conscious processing, going along with what was expected of me instead of what I actually wanted to do. It’s probably not fair, but the man always knew what we were getting into regardless. When there’s only a couple of hours or days showing up on the expiry date, it’s pretty much expected that it was going to be sex and not a lot more. That was just the way that it went.

Regardless of whether I’m in a relationship or between them, though, I take advantage of as much time outside as I can. It’s the only thing that made me feel remotely free. The system was constraining me and depressing me further and further, and there was no way for me to get out of it. Not in any kind of right way, at least.

I don’t recognize the woman staring back at me in the mirror, after a while. There’s something dead in her eyes. Something numb.

No matter how much work I put into my appearance, perfect curls and ringlets of auburn hair and well-done makeup, nothing about her becomes more recognizable. Instead, I feel more distance and dissociated from the reflection that stares back at me. Glares, nearly. I really don’t know how anyone could put up with me on the dates that I’d been on, but I guess their goal was simple enough. Get me to bed and naked, leave it at that. It doesn’t have to be any more than that. And even eventually, I reach the point of asking the aloof question: why should it be any more than that?

A couple of weeks are spent with a guy named Nathan. He was nice, friendly. Maybe a little too friendly. A nice accent. He constantly catered to what I wanted to do and wanted to talk about.

And yeah, he heard a mouthful about Jackson. He apologized for him and it was… I don’t know if it made me feel better or worse about it, that he could realize what was wrong with doing that at the drop of a hat and Jackson hadn’t been able to make that decision for himself. It only added more shades of complexities to how I feel about what had happened between the two of us. Not better, not worse. Just more confused.

I realize that I actually like him as a person and I can’t help but cry about it.

It’s not fair for either of us even if three weeks was all that we had together. But he was a good friend and a good man, even if we were far from meant to be together. Passing the time with him had been a lot less painful than some of the other relationships that I had been forced into in the past few weeks, at least. There’s something nice to be said about that, a kindness in having genuine companionship instead of something forced. But I’ve been using him for how nice he was and I can’t help but feel a sense of guilt about it. I try to be better and more fair to him in the last week that we have together, but it’s probably already too late to make up for all of the rants and tears that he had dealt with from me. Yet when we part, Nathan still gives me a hug and kiss on the forehead. Platonic more than anything else, but appreciated nonetheless.

Then there’s a week with a guy named Owen. I try for the first time after that, wondering if there were more Nathans out there floating around the system, wanting to be friends because I knew that I couldn’t commit emotionally to anything more than that. It works, a little bit, even if it’s far from perfect. But it’s not a bad week.

It doesn’t take long for me to realize that there aren’t a lot of people out there that work perfectly for me. It mad eye question myself, whether I was the problem and maybe it really wasn’t the system. Everyone else had such confidence in how all of it worked and it seemed like my lack of certainty was uncommon. I didn’t want to be a freak, an outsider. But I didn’t want to have to fake who I was and what I believed in to be accepted, either. I just wanted to be who I was and find someone who was good with that.

Someone like Jackson, of course.

No matter how many men I’m with and how many quick dates I’m dropped into, he never leaves my mind. Everyone is compared to him in one way or another. It’s a habit, pretty much. One that I have no interest in breaking.

I pick up running, after a while. Even if I can’t run away from my problems and doubts in the way that I wanted to, it feels good to at least get the rush of the escape. Adrenaline was probably the only thing that was really keeping me going but that was okay with me. At least that meant that there was still something managing to keep me fighting along, holding onto something. Maybe my body was the only thing that I had full control of over this system. It was certainly driving the control freak buried inside of me crazy. I’m in good shape, though. My miles were getting shorter and my distance was getting longer. I’d pretty much seen every square inch that the park had to offer at this point, nearly completely committed to memory. I’m going crazy, a little bit. But exercise was supposed to be good for that kind of thing.

After a long run, I sit by the pond. A few of the ducks wonder toward me to see if I have any bread but when they realize that it’s just me and nothing else, they’re quick to wander back off and leave me alone. 

Alone.

Always alone, no matter what was going on, no matter who I was with. I couldn’t connect with anyone. Jackson had broken me from that. I couldn’t get in deep with anyone in the way that I had with him. Maybe I was scared of the past repeating itself with some new, great guy. But I think I just missed him. I knew that I wanted him back, in some way. Yet I also knew that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

I grab a stone and toss it on the surface of the water, watching it ripple with the four bounces before it inevitably sinks under the surface. A second followed, this one making it to five. But I’d done this so many times that I knew there wasn’t any point in trying for more. Five seemed to be the number that jinxed me no matter what was going on.

The device chimed again, and I come close to ignoring it. The last thing that I wanted was another mindless date and relationship. I can barely see myself anymore, hardly looking in the mirror these days because I hate the reflection that stared back at me. Most of them feel more like an out of body experience than me being an active participant in it. Maybe it was. Maybe the system really had worn me down and left me ready to accept whoever was willing to be paired down with me. It seemed less and less surprising, like maybe I had been right with the insecurities that I’d expressed with Jackson.

So I try to ignore it, to tune out the annoying buzz that it produced in order to grab my attention. Even if I’m worn down, though, I don’t know if I’m actually ready to be kicked out of it completely. The enemy you know, or whatever. I couldn’t help but wonder if that saying was a load of crap given that I wasn’t sure how things could get much worse than this. There was always room for something, good or bad. I sigh before picking up the device, seeing what it had for me this time.

“Congratulations, April.”

“W–what?” I stutter out. It’s not the usual message about having a new match. It never congratulated me for just being a participant. This was something new. Who knew if I was prepared to deal with something different after how bad the norm had become.

“Your ultimate match has been identified.”

Oh.

I blinked a few times, staring at the flat circular device as if I’d had no idea what it had said. I’d never really thought that this day was going to come, regardless of how many times that stupid 99.8% statistic had been thrown out to me, ignoring the advice of those social events that insisted it was worth the wait. The wait had become nothing short of agony. Even if I wanted to escape from it, I’d more or less given up hope on getting the ending result that I wanted. It seemed as if it had already been ruined for me.

“Your pairing day is tomorrow.”

I still don’t know what to say, even if there was no way that it could have been clearer about what was going on. I was about to join that statistic – hopefully. Even if it seemed like my luck was crap lately and it would have been all too possible to end up in the tiny 0.2%. “What?” I question, dumbfounded, trying to process everything that it was offering up at the moment.

“Tomorrow you’ll be coupled with your ultimate match and together you will leave this place forever.” The device offered absolute clarity.

Yet no amount of clarity offered by the electronic was going to get past the layer of shock that left me frozen at the news. I rub my thumb on the screen for a moment as if I was expecting it to be some kind of glitch and not the actual circumstances. But it doesn’t change, doesn’t withdraw from what it’s said. I can only stare at the words ultimate match for so long before more questions finally begin to spiral inside of my head and I have to let a few of them out.

“Do I know them already?” Please, please…

“No.”

Hope died instantly with the syllable. So it wasn’t Jackson. Maybe that made sense from what it had seen between the two of us when he had revealed the expiry date on his own, yet I’d still tried to hold onto some kind of hope. It was childish, perhaps. Clearly wasted.

The news had made me incapable of sitting still and I’m suddenly up on my feet again, pacing along the edge of the pond for a moment as I processed the information. No more dates, no more one night stands. No more roaming around from house to house, bed after bed with a bunch of men that I was unlikely to see again. There was finally going to be something more stable, something legitimate. I was going to have to open up again, whether or not I wanted to. That choice had been stripped from me unless I actively want d to put myself in the small statistic of people who didn’t work out. I didn’t really want that to happen. Even if I didn’t like any of this, that wasn’t fair – not to me or not to whoever was going to be on the other end of this pairing.

“Can you tell me anything about them?” I questioned, chewing on my lower lip and trying to quell the new wave of anxiety that was coming up with this information. The only time I’d really been nervous on a date was that first one, and admittedly, that’d had nothing to do with Jackson. That had just been me being nervous.

“No.”

A predictable response and yet I sighed in disappointment all the same. I wanted something more, something solid. I don’t know why I would have asked for anything different from the device. It always had the same limited speaking capacity. It was far from perfect, no matter the advertisements.

“There is one more thing.” It announced suddenly without any prompting.

“What’s that?” I questioned, glancing down at the device.

“Prior to pairing day, you have been allocated a short farewell period with an individual of your choosing.” The device responded.

I freeze at the sudden announcement, feeling like a bomb had been dropped right at my feet with the information. My mouth ran dry as I stared at the mostly still pond, and suddenly everything around me felt quiet like the shock had numbed out the remainder of my senses. I could see someone. Anyone? It didn’t seem right. It didn’t seem like it matched up with the rest of what the system represented and enacted. Choices were something that we never got much of. It was always do this, do that, be here, meet him, live there. It stripped away the sense of free will as far as I could tell. I didn’t see any reason why it would suddenly change that, especially when we were supposed to be finally getting an ending. A happy ending, maybe. But an ending nonetheless. “Farewell period?” I finally questioned, breaking my own silence.

“Data shows this can help provide psychological closure.” It answered.

No shit. I snort at the response that it offered, shaking my head even though I can feel myself smiling for the first time in a long time. Closure was something that didn’t seem to exist in the system. How could it, really? The way that it designed was inertly built against that. No one seemed to question it, and for a brief time, I hadn’t. Not until I’d gotten that chance with Jackson and it had fallen apart. The lack of closure had been the exact thing that had wrecked every chance at a relationship that I’d had since. Maybe the system really did know what it was doing. This seemed like the first time that it was finally getting something right.

“Jackson. I want to meet Jackson.” I answered without hesitation. I had to see him again, had to get some kind of clarity. I couldn’t go forward unless I got the chance to talk to him again. 

I don’t know if I want to apologize or I want him to. Maybe both would be good. I’d run off without trying and he’d been willing to fight, to try and go against the system. But regardless of the outcome, I need to talk with him somehow, to see him one last time. It might be the only chance that I get at anything resembling a real or healthy relationship. Psychological closure… maybe it wasn’t entirely possible, but it was the closest that I was going to get. And this seemed like a hell of a lot better than nothing, which was what I’d pretty much been expecting at this point.

“Your choice has been registered.”

There are tears in my eyes even with the genuine smile on my face and I don’t notice until one slipped past my cheek, a hand coming up quickly to wipe it away. I was being too emotional. Ridiculously so. There was no way for me to justify my reaction and yet there’s relief there, even a little bit of joy at the idea of being able to see him again. It was better than nothing. Those four simple words continued through my head over and over again, incapable of ridding myself of the joy of even something as little as that.

“When do I get to see him?” I asked the device, finally eager to hear it give me something instead of dreading it. I couldn’t think of the last time that I had been the case, honestly. It’d been too many days and too many men ago, surely.

“Usual booth, 7:30pm.”

“Thank you,” I murmured gently.

Even if this was really, truly going to be the last time that we saw each other… maybe there really was something to gain. Maybe it was more than closure, or maybe I just needed it more desperately than what I was properly capable of processing. But I knew that I needed to see him again, no matter what the real result or intention there was. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I hadn’t been living with myself, not really. I’d just been a shadow, going along with what was required and expected of me, not enjoying anything that I was doing. I hadn’t been able to enjoy life for a long time now. I needed that to change. And it seemed like seeing Jackson again was the only chance that I had.


	6. Chapter 6

** _JACKSON_ **

My coach had gone off earlier in the day to let me know that my ultimate match had been selected.

I didn’t care, not for a minute. Not after I asked if I already knew who it was. Even if the system didn’t seem to agree with me on the matter, I had already made up my mind about who I was destined to be with. It was April. It had to be. Even if I had screwed things up with her majorly, I couldn’t let go of her, not after a mistake like that one. I needed another chance to make things right, to prove to her and everyone else that we were meant to be together. I couldn’t turn my back on her. No one had ever made me feel the way that she did, no one night stand or few week relationships had ever come remotely close.

But it had felt like an absolute miracle when I’d been given one more chance to meet with her. I didn't know if there was anything that I could do to actually undo it, but I had to try. I had to make sure that she knew how much I loved her, that she understood I hadn’t wanted to hurt her with what had happened. I needed there to be some kind of resolution.

Sitting at the table a bit restlessly, waiting for her to show up, I fold and refold my napkin. I don’t want to get started on a meal without her even if I’m hungry – it’s rude. Just because it’d been done to me before didn’t mean that I was going to repeat it.

It’s not until I see her that there’s finally a spark of something more than obligation and boredom. And I knew that she was it. She was the one.

“Ape–” I can barely get up to my feet in time to greet her properly.

But before I can really get anything apologetic or reminisce out, her mouth is on top of mine. My neck bends down to accommodate her smaller height, hands falling to the slender curve of her waist and pulling her in closer. She tasted the exact same as she always had, strawberry and the hint of something sweeter behind it, all warm and ample curves pressed up against me. The need for comfort, the loneliness that has seeped into their bones, the distance between us… all of it was gone, as if it had never existed in the first place, eradicated from me with the simple cure of her lips against mine.

My thumb swept lightly underneath her chin, tipping her head back further so I can crush my lips to hers with devastating precision, all of the pent-up frustration from the costly mistakes I had made. An apology without sound, just the movement of lips together, finding eating other once more. My tongue sweeps at her lower lip, and she opens her mouth with a soft moan that carries, finally moving to grab onto the front of his shirt. It’s a little obnoxious for the public setting, a little too much, and yet I can’t find myself willing to stop all the same. The hand that remained on her waist squeezed her hips a little firmer, wanting more. I’m all yours, I begged her to know. You were supposed to be mine. This was a second chance that I desperately needed.

The other thumb moved past her chin, my hand instead coming up to curl over the nape of her neck, and with a mutual exhale, our foreheads pressed together.

“Wait, wait,” I barely pull back from her, unable to remove myself from her entirely. “How long do we have?” As I’m speaking, one hand began to drift to grab my coach from the place that I had left it on the restaurant table. I move to sit back down in the booth behind it and she joined me side by side as I picked up the device, watching it glow up with a ticking number.

_Two minutes_ , already beginning to countdown.

My hand slammed down on the table as an outlet for the sudden frustration, cutlery jumping and clattering from the force of my anger. Two minutes was nowhere near the time to express everything that was going on through my head, no way to try and change what seemed like it was already in stone. I didn’t know what happened if you tried to ignore what it said about how long you were supposed to be with someone, but I was willing to break the rules and find out. Right now, it was worth the risk.

“Listen, the system has already set my matching day for tomorrow,” I explained, turning toward her.

“Me too,” April replied with a slight nod of the head.

“Right. But I don’t want whoever the system says that the one is, okay? I want you.” The words had never carried more weight than they had now, a raw desperation in my tone with the need for her. One last kiss wasn’t going to be enough. I didn’t want any lasts with her. I wanted all of it, I wanted the life full of a future, the fighting and the loving, everything that it had to offer.

“I want you too.” She replied as she leaned in closer to me, her hand resting on my thigh.

Before I could say anything further on the matter, my device chirped in having overheard what the two of us both said.

“Failure to comply with the system may result in banishment.”

Maybe it had seemed like a threat at some point in time, but now it didn’t matter. Not if the system was going to leave the both of us with someone that we ultimately didn’t want to be with. Not if we were ultimately going to be screwed over by something one way or another. If we had to have things ruined, then we could do it together. We could figure out where to go from here, what life outside of the system was like. We could do it as long as the two of us were together, not shipped off with some random people that we had been deemed arbitrarily compatible with.

“Screw that,” I said and motioned toward the device.

“Can you remember where you were before you came here?” April asked suddenly. My mind spun as I tried to recall life outside of the system, what it was like growing up or being on my own before it. But nothing comes to mind. Instead, there’s just a giant gap where there should be a lifetime full of memories. It didn’t make any sense. The device beeped once more and we both ignored it. “You can’t, can you?” She followed up for confirmation.

“No,” I said with a shake of my head. It didn’t make any sense and I’d never had reason to think about it before now. Realizing that I have no idea what life outside of the system really was like stirred up a new set of questions, but I was trying to focus on the moment, on how to get out of this situation and have her with me.

“Neither can I.” April said. That didn't make any more sense and it certainly didn’t make where we were any less suspicious. My brows formed a deep furrow, giving a slight glance around before refocusing my gaze on her again.

“Why can’t I remember that? Why can’t either of us?” I questioned.

“It’s a test,” she retorted quickly, apparently already having thought about all of this before. “Do you remember the first night that we were together? How did you feel?” The questions came flying out of her mouth nearly too quickly for me to process everything that she was saying, blinking a few times before I was really able to think about them.

I took a deep breath. “I felt… safe. Happy. Lucky to be with you. Comfortable.” I wasn’t sure if it was exactly what she was getting at but I answered the questions honestly, looking into the hazel hues of her eyes and trying to find some kind of answer there for everything that was going on. “It just felt like. It felt like we just clicked right into place like we’d somehow met before or something.” I elaborated, biting down on my lower lip for just a moment as she nodded along to my words.

“Like it’s happened before and it’ll happen again,” April started. “Like it’s happening a thousand times over and over again.” The more that she had to say on the matter, the less sense that it all began to make. “Do you know what I mean?” She asked.

“Yeah, sure, I do,” I nodded my head as I answered. Maybe that was why falling into things with her had always felt so natural and so easy, even if it didn’t actually make any sense. I’d just figured that it meant that she was the right one for me, even if the system hadn’t been able to pick up on it just yet.

“Ever since we’ve met, the world has just been toying with us. It’s like it’s actively trying to keep the two of us apart no matter how good for each other we could be, like it crafted this perfect little story between the two of us and then just decided to ax it. It’s a test. It has to be a test.” April rambled on. If it was anyone else in the world saying this kind of thing to me, then I probably would have disregarded it as crazy. But coming from her, the more and more that it began to make sense. It’d been a stupid mistake on my part, but it seemed like a fallacy that we hadn’t been deemed perfectly compatible from the beginning. “It’s a test, and I think that the only way the two of us pass it is if we do something to rebel against it.” She concluded.

I stared at her for a moment, processing everything that she was saying. She’d always seemed like such a rule follower and now she was the one saying that we needed to screw it all, that we needed to run away together and figure it out for just the two of us, regardless of what was expected or meant for us. And it made sense. I wanted to do it with her. A smile began to crack across my face slowly, lifting up my hands to cup her cheeks for a moment and sealing my lips on top of hers in a short, chaste kiss.

“So we have to say screw it, huh?” I questioned for confirmation.

The slightest of musical laughs just barely managed to pass through the redhead’s lips but she gave me a nod of the head that told me everything that I needed to know. We had to do this. Together.

“Exactly. We just… we have to go. We have to do our own thing, we can’t just do what we’re told.” April insisted emphatically, giving a slight wave of her hands as she spoke.

“So… over the wall.” I didn’t see another way out, there was nothing clear about what we were doing even if it suddenly seemed like the best possible idea in the world.

“Right over the wall, no matter what else is out there,” April said.

“Okay.” I agreed.

Maybe it was crazy. Maybe we both were. But right now, it was the only way out. I gave another glance at our surroundings to see if it looked like anyone was paying attention to what the two of us were saying before I refocused my gaze on her once more. All of this was absolutely insane but everything inside of the system seemed like it was screwed up and working against us, and none of it made sense. Life outside of the wall and the system couldn’t have been that much more insane, not when we had all of this madness to compare it to. Both of our devices beeped once more, trying to tell the two of us that we needed to say goodbye.

“So let’s go,” April said, staring intently at me.

“Yeah.” I agreed firmly, leaning forward once more to press another kiss against her mouth, getting another sweet taste of her lips. Even if I wanted to linger there at the moment and forget about everything else in the world, I couldn’t. We had to do this together, just the two of us, had to find a way out and make sure that things really worked for us. I wanted that with her.

Both of our devices finally fall silent and April began to stand up from the booth, and I’m quick to follow her and take one of her hands before mine. It’s only then that I notice things around us had taken a different turn. All of the other couples had fallen quite and had turned their heads so they were staring directly at the two of us, clear, their gazes all unwavering. I didn’t know how it was possible for them to know what was going on but it seemed as if they did. Rebellion was imminent and everyone was sat still, waiting to see what happened.

Hand in hand, the two of us move as quickly as we can toward the entrance of the restaurant to try and get out of there before anyone could say to do anything to stop us. It seemed as if no one was going to so much as try until we reach the door and there’s an armed security guard standing there.

The guard doesn’t say a word, instead, pulling his taser off of his belt and holding it out toward the two of us as a clear threat. It crackled with electricity as it turned it on, and I pause. April, however, doesn’t seem as struck down by the prospect of pain.

“April, what are you doing?” I hissed out the whisper. Her hand slipped away from mine as she stepped toward the guard fearlessly and I take a smaller one after her, trying to keep her from getting herself hurt. But she doesn’t stop or back up no matter how close to the guard that she gets or no matter how I try and tug her back for her own sake. She’d always been stubborn but I Had never thought that it would take a turn like this one. “April–” I repeated her name once more, trying to get her to snap out of what she was doing.

But instead of listening to me, April extended a hand forward toward the taser. It’s a slow motion and I can feel my stomach drop as I expect the absolute worst to occur. 

Instead, the unexpected occurred.

Her pale hand made direct contact with the crackle of electricity being emitted from the taser. She doesn’t cry out in pain or go down with the jolts of it running through her veins. Instead, the crackling stops and the thin lines of electricity disappear altogether like they had never been there in the first place. It’d been nothing more than an illusion, meant to keep the two of us in check, meant to scare us off from the possibility of escaping. It wasn’t real. His arm dropped down suddenly and quickly, a few more security guards appearing behind him.

Then everything freezes.

It wasn’t the kind of tense frozen where no one knew what to say or do. Instead, the way that everyone froze was quite literal. Expressions stuck in place, postures stiff and erect, no signs of movement. Everyone except for the two of us. Just one more thing about all of this that didn’t make any sense.

“Come on, let’s go. We need to hurry.” April’s voice is the only thing that snapped me out of it but it doesn’t seem to have the same effect as anyone else. Our hands connect once more and we hurry to get out of the restaurant, moving quickly. There’s a waiter in the midst of pouring a glass of wine frozen in place, red droplets of the liquid frozen in the middle of the air. It was like everything in the world had glitches except for the two of us. The more that I looked, the more that it didn’t make any sense. But there wasn’t as much time as I could have liked to question and analyze whatever the hell was happening. We both needed to get out of there.

It was the same mall that she had left me after I’d revealed that our time was running out that we have to run through, down the frozen escalator and pass people mid-task. It’s a slow paced run to try and get out of there between her heels but we make it. Nighttime had fallen outside but we know exactly where the wall is – everyone does.

From the bottom of the wall, suddenly the height of it is that much more imposing. There’s a ladder there, no doubt built for some kind of emergency. But suddenly, this was one. We make eye contact for a long moment with each other, looking for the confirmation that this was really happening, that this was really what the two of us were doing and commit to. I nod my head first and let go of her hand. 

“Come on,” April said once more. She goes up first. It’s a long climb to try and get to the top of everything and I’m worried about her making it to the top with the shoes that she had on, but she was handling it just fine, taking step after step on the seemingly never-ending ladder. I don’t look down for the sake of not wanting to know just how high up we were getting, not until I hear a strange noise coming from beneath us.

It’s as if there’s something coming at the both of us, moving quickly and rapidly. All of it happened too quickly for me to be able to process what exactly was happening.

Darkness.

There’s no free fall or no sense of pain, nothing. the darkness is overwhelming and removes my ability to process anything until it’s suddenly gone. Everything around me was still black but I can see. 

And there she is. April. I released a breath I didn’t even realize that I was holding onto upon seeing her. My hand found hers quickly, the only comfort that I could find amidst all of the sanity here.

It’s only after the two of us our both there that I realized that there’s more than just us here. Among us our hundreds of other couples, walking hand in hand, numbers floating above their head. That was all there was, no other sense or explanation for what was happening. I give a glance up above the two of us, seeing that we had been labeled with a number of our own.

_998._

It’s then that I realized it’s not just other people there, faceless nobodies among the crowd. It’s us. Over and over again, in different outfits and appearances, it’s me and April standing side by side with different numbers labeling. I glance at April and she’s just as confused as I am by everything that we’re seeing.

Slowly, the different versions of the two of us are floating and drifting up above our head. There’s a larger number there, increasing with each rendition that’s added to it, counting it all up and labeled with simulations beneath it.

One big test.

She was right.


	7. Epilogue

**_APRIL_ **

It had been my roommate's idea to download the stupid dating app. I don't know if she genuinely cared or just wanted to get me out of the apartment for the night so that she and Callie could have some time with just the two of them, but either way, she'd managed to twist my arm into it. She'd help me set up my profile, forced me, to be honest. It seemed genuine enough.

Arizona had also forced me to dress myself up a little more contemporary and less school teacher-like, in her words. Tight black jeans and a blouse that I'd gotten her to settle on, floral print and pinched at the ribs before flaring out slightly. She'd said it was okay before apparently, it made my tits look – quote, 'banging'. That had almost been enough to get me to head right back to my closet and changed out of it. The heels were her idea, but I hadn't put up a fuss. Being short is crowded places very quickly became exhausting.

Rock music blared across the bar and I slipped my phone out of my jeans, tapping it open. It took only a brief moment to load up, scanning the people around me.

_Burn down the disco.  
Hang the blessed DJ._

The app was popular enough that at a crowded place like this, it did take a few minutes to assess the profiles of the other men frequenting the club. Chewing at my lip, I watched and waited. It was notorious for giving supposedly accurate compatibility matches. Honestly, it reminded me of those kid websites where you typed in your crushes name and it threw out a random number that would either affirm how you felt or crush you.

I didn't really know if I even wanted to fall in love, to be honest.

I was successful. My medical career was doing well, I had finally finished paying off the burden of student loans that college and medical school had left me with, and things were smoothly fluctuating from day to day. Messing with that balance nearly seemed like it was asking for trouble.

But there's something enamoring about the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone. I'd always wanted a husband and a family, the white picket fence life. I'd put school and work on the forefront of my mind for such a long time that learning how to turn it off was hard but I still wanted it to happen, one way or another. I'd thought for awhile that love would stumble upon me on its own, but maybe it really was about time that I went actively seeking it out.

_Because the music_  
That they constantly play  
It says nothing to me about my life 

After a few seconds, the picture of a male popped up on my screen. Handsome, the kind of green eyes that could either melt your soul or go straight to your… Really, really handsome. A winning smile. The name Jackson appeared beneath his profile picture. I tapped once more, opening up the assessment that the program had made for the two of us.

99.8%.

Wow. Definitely unexpected for the first time, but I supposed that this was why the app had become so popular so quickly. People liked that kind of reassurance when it came to relationships and opening up to other people. It was hard to say that it wasn't a nice thought, the idea of knowing that this was the person that you were meant to be with. A little hard to just throw inherit trust into given that it was, well, a computer program. But it probably wouldn't have become quite as popular as it had if there wasn't some kind of secret to success inside of it.

_Hang the blessed DJ._

Glancing around the bar, I try to find him among the crowd of chattering and dancing men and women. A few moments pass before my eyes land on him, staring down at his own phone. He was wearing a jean button down and ashy jeans, both of which fit him quite well. Glasses that hadn't been in the profile picture but only made him that much more attractive.

_Because the music that they constantly play_  
On the Leeds side-streets  
That you slip down. 

After a few moments of staring at him, the presence of my gaze appeared to get his attention. He looks up and it only takes another moment for him to be able to find my gaze.

We make eye contact for a long moment and a wide smile cracked across my glossed lips, unable to help the fact that I'm already beaming. Maybe I'm a little more of a hopeless romantic than I ever wanted to admit to myself or Arizona. But he gave me the exact same smile, nearly a mirror expression, and it only made me feel that much better about the situation. If it was goofy, then he was just as into all of it and the idea of falling in love with a soulmate as I was. For a few long moments, we both just stay exactly like that, many feet apart from each other at the club and smiling like dazed teenagers in love.

_The provincial towns you jog 'round.  
Hang the DJ, hang the DJ, hang the DJ._

His eyebrows raise at me and I take that as the signal to make my move. Maneuvering among the crowd as best as someone like me could, it doesn't take that long to finally get to him. I don't know if I should offer him my hand or a hug or what, but instead, I maintain my distance and a smile.

"So you're April?" He asked me. I nodded my head. "Jackson."

"It's nice to meet you, Jackson." I offered up sincerely.

"You look beautiful." He complimented me.

A blush ignited my cheeks more than any shade of makeup could have ever hoped, glancing away and chewing at my lower lip for a brief moment. I'd always been shy, taught to be humble as a child, but the dating advice that I had received over the years told me that being shy was only enamoring for so long. If this was meant to work out so well, then maybe I didn't have a reason to be shy.

"If you think that laying it on thick is going to get you anywhere…" I decided to offer up, a coy smile curling upward on the corner of my lips as I looked back up at him, teeth still catching the skin of my lower lip. This time it's a little more sensual than nervous.

"Then I'm right?" Jackson suggested, amusement sparkling in his green eyes.

"Yeah, you might be." Laughter slipped between my lips and he joined me.

Jackson turned away for only a moment so that he could wave over the bartender and I slip onto the barstool next to him, crossing my legs. For a moment, I admire him further. He was incredibly handsome on all surface levels, of course, But I knew that there had to be something more. I didn't consider myself to be exceptionally beautiful: average enough, but normally, it was my brain that set me apart from other people. That was something that I'd always relied on. I didn't think I'd have a lot of compatibility with someone who was just looks, there had to be something more behind him.

"So, 99.8%, huh?" He prompted with another smile as he turned back toward me.

"Yeah, 99.8%."


End file.
